So on the subway this morning this guy sits next to me and starts reading the Post. He pulls out a carrot and starts chomping on it. Like, a full grown carrot, complete with brown spots and everything. I watched him out of the corner of my eye and it took him like 30 seconds just to chew and digest each bite before he'd chomp into the next bite.
I don't think I've ever seen anyone just start chewing on a carrot like that in the city...let alone on the subway. Most citiers get those presliced carrots...or they wash the carrots they buy and maybe peel off the outer layer. But this guy was chomping through, dirt and all.
Then on my way into my building I'm walking behind this woman who is obviously having a tough morning. She's juggling her two bags, laptop and cup of starbucks and pretty much holding up pedestrian traffic. Oh and she's also on the phone, one of those ear piece thingys. Anyway I overhear her say "yeah, it sucks, my space bar isn't working...i mean how can you not have spaces. It's like an important key. It's not like an A or something".
But of all letters she chose to call out, why the letter A? Don't vast mjority of the words we use contin the letter A? (4 A's would have been used in that sentence alone!) Why didn't she just say it's not an important key, like the F11 button. Or the letter Z. Or any of those useless keyboard keys, like Pause/Break or Windows Start?
So I'm dedicating today's blog post to the letter A.
A is in, asshole why don't you think before you speak next time.
In other breaking news, a "coon" is running for president.
Now WAIT...before you go running off calling me racist and think I'm talking shit about Obama...I'm talking about a raccoon. As in the animal.
Can a raccoon be our next president?
It's true. A raccoon by the name of "Key Coon" has already been endorsed by several influential bloggers, including one of our favorites, Laurie Kendrick.
In fact, early polls out of "Coonecticut" indicate that Key Coon has 68% of the popular vote, due to the fact that he has campaigned hard through the "Coonstitution State".
Here at WhatPushesMyButtons, we have held back from declaring our support to any of the candidates for the '08 election. But hopefully KeyCoon will be here to answer some very important questions our readers have in mind, like:
Would KeyCoon promote the growth of coontinuing education among today’s workers?
Could KeyCoon gain coontrol of the senate and the house?
What are KeyCoon's plans to ease urban coongestion?
If he can answer those questions in a positive light, we may have no choice but to throw our support behind KeyCoon, who has unofficially been labeled, "The People's Coon".
And for those who have questions about the KeyCoon sex scandal, hopefully KeyCoon can address the issues upfront and honestly. Last thing we need is another president with a love of cigars and interns.
Can Keycoon overcome the sex scandals and make a run for presidency?
So go over to KeyCoon headquarters and let him know what your thoughts are about his run for presidency and stay tuned for more answers for your questions on his coongenda.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007