Aruba

Well after working this past weekend I'm off to lovely Aruba for a much needed vacation.

The webcam on the Aruba.com website is right next to the hotel I'll be staying at. I'll be sure to give the camera some waves :)


http://www.bucuticam.com/arubacam.jpg

http://www.bucuticam.com/tarabeach.jpg

Either one of those links are to the live webcam.

Enjoy your week!

Me in my dancing finest

Haha...this is hysterical. I have some moves, that's for sure!



Click pic to view.

Latte Bath

Sorry again for the long delay...been a crazy past couple of weeks. But now I'm back with some good stories to share.

So this am back in Starbucks (yes, my love/hate relationship with them continues - I'm just holding out until they bring back either the Cinnamon Dolce or Gingerbread Lattes...that's like my kiddie crack!) and I'm putting sugar in my tall skim latte. The lady next to me is swirling her coffee around feverishly while adding sucar (sugar) to her megalargegrandemochalattechinoberry concoction. So you know what's going next? Splash mountain. Luckily it was only on the counter and got on the back of my hand. But still, did she not see me next to her? And of course I get no apology. Luckily the foam splashed on me rather than the coffee itself. I look at her and she's busy checking the consistency of her drink, oblivious to anyone around her (come to think of it she did look like a witch so perhaps that would explain it). At this point I don't know whether to laugh, or choke slam her through the coffee bar. Anyway she leaves and I wipe up my hand however some frantic douchbag stands next to me and is trying to hold about 100 things in his hands while adding stuff to his coffee (what's wrong with these people by the way...you can put stuff down on the floor once in a while - really, you can. The floor won't eat your laptop or your coat or your paddington bear). Anyway in his mad panic to but Equal into whatever overpriced coffee he was drinking he knocks over the "sugar in the clear jar" thing that you normally see in diners. And guess where it lands. On the back of the same hand that just took a latte bath. You have to be kidding me right? At least he apologized unlike the mad scientist before him. But now that the back of my hand has been tar and feathered I'm off to a good start today. I'm glad my subtle hints of vanilla in my Hugo Boss have been replaced with Au D'Latte. Fuckin assholes.

Anyway, here's my take on the whole Kenny Rogers thing. It's well known in baseball circles that pitchers occassionally "doctor" the ball to get more break or spin on it. That's been known since the game has been played. But for Rogers to say that the umpire didn't mention the "discoloration" on his hand between innings, and rather Rogers claimed the conversation was about time between innings (why couldn't he make up a better lie there...like he was asking about the family, or seeing where he wanted to grab dinner that evening). Anyway both Leyland and the umpire said the conversation was about the substance on his hand, which Rogers denies. So who's telling the truth? Rogers? Or an 102 year old manager and an umpire? I mean looking at this picture it's clear that Rogers has more substances on his hand than Bob Ross' color palette. If you look closely you may see some happy little trees on his hand too.



Oh well, I guess one will never know for sure. Although some of his teammates had said it's food on his hand. I don't know about you but if there's food on my hand I'd eat it. I wouldn't save it through a few hours of sweating on a pitcher's mound. However here's some comments from Andy Van Slyke, a hitting coach for the Tigers about the "gunk" on Rogers hand:

"You know, he has a terrible habit," Tigers coach Andy Van Slyke reported, "of eating Tootsie Rolls. And he happened to sit next to a heater."

Right. That was probably it. And there are undoubtedly other possibilities, too. Like, well, chocolate cake. Tigers closer Todd Jones tossed that one out there Sunday night.

"No," Van Slyke said, in instant denial mode. "You can't bring cake on the bench. You've got to eat something with a wrapper on it."

All right. How about soup? That's about the same color as Rogers' hand.

"Nope," Van Slyke said. "No utensils allowed on the bench. But if we were playing in Japan, it might have been wasabi."

OK, so if this were the Japan tour, we might be on to something. But since this is the World Series, that's out.

So was there any chance, us media madmen persisted, that it might have been pine tar? And Van Slyke was just about the perfect person to ask, too, since he was seen in the dugout in what appeared to be a long, between-innings chat with Rogers after the first inning Sunday.

But in truth, "I wasn't involved in the conversation," Van Slyke quipped. "Just, when I shook Kenny's hand, it took me 30 seconds to get unstuck."

---

Last time I checked dirt isn't exactly sticky. One bullpen coach suggested that it was pine tar on Rogers hand. He has a pretty interesting comment about players using sunscreen, lotion, ky jelly (well maybe not ky), but you can view that article here:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/writers/jon_heyman/10/23/scoop.rogers/index.html

Anyway don't want to beat this dead horse any further. All I know is that perhaps I should pitch for whomever team tonight...especially with the "sticky latte-based substance" on the back of my hand.

Also for all those people who were complaining that NO one would want to watch a Yankees vs Mets world series outside of New York cause no one would watch, feast your eyes on this: The St. Louis Cardinals' 7-2 victory over the Detroit Tigers on Saturday night received an 8.0 fast national rating and 15 share, Fox said Monday, down 16 percent from the previous record low for an opener, a 9.5 for last year's 5-3 Chicago White Sox win over the Houston Astros.

Tis all for now...I'll be back with more fun and musings shortly.

Nerd Alert

And for all those who thought they were smart, this guy takes the cake. Or should I say "Pie". Haha.

TOKYO - A Japanese mental health counselor recited pi to 100,000 decimal places from memory on Wednesday, setting what he claims to be a new world record.

Akira Haraguchi, 60, needed more than 16 hours to recite the number to 100,000 decimal places, breaking his personal best of 83,431 digits set in 1995, his office said Wednesday. He made the attempt at a public hall in Kisarazu, just east of Tokyo.

Pi is a physical constant defined as the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter.

It is usually written out to a maximum of three decimal places, as 3.141, in math textbooks. But the number, which has fascinated scientists for centuries, has no theoretical limit to the number of decimal places it can be written to. It is a constant that appears in the proofs of many equations defining the universe.

"What I am aiming at is not just memorizing figures, I am thrilled by seeking a story in pi," Haraguchi said.

The Guinness Book of Records currently lists Hiroyuki Goto, also from Japan, as the official record holder for reciting pi from memory. He recited the ratio out to 42,195 decimal places in 1995.

Guinness never entered Haraguchi's 1995 feat in its record book. The editors of the book could not be immediately reached for comment regarding Haraguchi's latest attempt.

Haraguchi, a psychiatric counselor and business consultant in nearby Mobara city, took a break of about 5 minutes every one to two hours, going to the rest room and eating rice balls during the attempt, said Naoki Fujii, spokesman of Haraguchi's office.

Fujii said all of Haraguchi's activities during the attempt, including his bathroom breaks, were videotaped for evidence that will later be sent for verification by the Guinness Book of Records.

Two local education officials joined 29 conference hall staff who worked in rotation to monitor Haraguchi.

Haraguchi, who began reciting pi at 9 a.m. Tuesday, reached his previous record of 83,431 digits Tuesday night, finishing exactly at 100,000 digits at 1:28 a.m. Wednesday, Fujii said.

In 2002, University of Tokyo mathematicians, aided by a supercomputer, set the world record for figuring out pi to 1.24 trillion decimal places.

In news Around the World

I've been busy with work so haven't had time for my own musings, so hopefully you enjoyed the last few videos i've posted. In other news today I saw the following articles of interest that I thought I'd share.

Lightning bolt throws photographer in the air
Apparently this lightning bolt through the photographer in the air who was taking the picture. I've always been fascinated with lightning so this was a cool shot.
Here's the link to the article http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=407650&in_page_id=1770


On a more lighthearted note...

'Glorious nation' of Kazakhstan fights back against Borat
The Kazakhstan government is desperately fighting to salvage its country's image and reputation after being made a laughing-stock by Borat, the alter ego of comedian Sacha Boran Cohen.

A four-page colour supplement appeared in the New York Times yesterday, presenting the country as an industrialised, outward-looking modern nation with a stable economy and thriving tourist industry.

A far cry from the anti-Semetic, "horse-urine drinking, incestuous people", 'journalist' Borat portrays in his TV show and takes even further in his film Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

Cohen has done anything but "make benefit" for Kazakhstan, where the government is furious to have become the target of such ridicule, which can only increase with expectations the film will be a huge hit.

Despite threats of legal action against Cohen, (of which his response is: "I have no connection with Mr Cohen and fully support this government's decision to sue this Jew) the Kazakhstan government is now trying to counter Borat's image of a prostitute-ridden country, with a $50 million tribal epic called Nomad.

It's hoped the government-funded film, the most expensive in its history, along with the supplement in the New York Times will provide a more accurate picture of the country.

The Kazakh president, Nursultan Nasarbayev, was due to arrive in the US yesterday for a trip that will include a meeting with President George Bush.

Lil' Usher

Got this video forwarded to me...hysterical!

Aristocrats: Bob Saget Version

Aristocrats: South Park Version

29 Year Old Virgin

Ok...so apparently this girl Sarah has enlisted the help of Jane magazine to help her get laid before her 30th bday. Apparently you can recommend guys to go out with her and even vote on some candidates. Sounds like a shameless PR blitz to me...but nonetheless feel free to check it out, I've heard she's a pretty entertaining writer. She writes about her dates and dating in general:

http://www.janemag.com/memos/blogs/sarah

Also in passing through the hood this am I heard two teenage girls talking about a guy one girl said "Damn his dick be small". Haha. Nice to hear at 8:30 am on a Friday. But it got me thinking maybe we need to come up with new childrens books to edumicate these fine young teenagers at an early age. Here are some suggestions on book titles if anyone from Random House or Putnam Press is reading:

"Daddy what's that moving in your pants?"
"Mami, why does you call every guy your Papi?"
"Daddy, why don't you wrestle like that with Mommy?"
"Mommy how come you walking funny"
"Mommy, how come I'm older than you?" (Although that one requires some thought)

My Cubicle

Funny video/song about My Cubicle...it's a parody of the "Your Beautiful" song sung by James Blount.

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=de262775b1f66173a83fa74e34c0f292.804591&cache=1

Wussiest songs ever

So in browsing the web, I was playing around on AOL's Music and Video site. Not bad content actually. And a pretty funny special they had this week: The 111 Wussiest songs ever. Right up there with my ultimate wedding and shower songs. And unlike ITunes or other music sites, AOL actually lets you play the entire song too. Very cool!

So without further adieu...here's the link. Starting with #111:
http://music.aol.com/feature/111-wussiest-songs-111-102

Not gonna go through all of them, but here's some of the songs I disagree with in the countdown:

#101: I'm Into Something Good. I mean come on...how can you say anybody at some point in their life has sung the chorus gleefully: (High Voice) "Ooooh...something tells me i'm into something...(low voice) something tells me i'm into something gooooddddd. Oooh"

#100: I'm Just Dying in Your Arms Tonight. Don't consider it wussie as much as I do a Monster Jam. "I'm Just Dying in your arms tonight...must have been something you said...I should have walked away...SHOULDA WALKED AWAY". Great underrated shower song too I may add!

#98: Against All Odds. Phil Collins? Wuss? Well, yes, but don't dis the man. He's made his living off wussie songs like "Ssuedio". I mean how wussie does saying "Sue Sue Suedio" sound? But Against All Odds is the shit. Nevermind that I know every word of the song. "Take a good look at me now oh"...powerful stuff. Another great shower song. Why wasn't this on my shower list??? I say Suedio should be here, not Against All Odds.

Although the picture looks wussie...Against All Odds is NOT a Wussy song

#87: Open Arms. I mean it's no Don't Stop Believin' but it's Journey. Wussy is what they do.

#80: Friday I'm in Love. The Cure was never soft...so they went the ballad route. And it landed them on this countdown. Although I think it falls under the Monster Jam category.

#74: I Want to Know What Love Is. I don't need to defend Foreigner. Take them off this list.

Btw..just to interject, I'm watching Fashion Rocks on CBS and I heard the worst singer ever. This guy was signing the whole song in Falsetto like Andy Gibb. Elton John was on the piano. This no talent ass clown jumped onto the piano while Sir Elton was playing! Don't you have to have talent to jump onto Elton's piano? I mean really. Has Elton John become that desparate for money that he lets some talentless punk jump all over his piano? I guess the answer is yes.


Elton used to be the man...until he let people jump on his piano

Anyway back to the countdown.

#28: Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. No other song can make you feel happy and giddy inside. None! So we didn't know George Michael was gay at that time. Don't hold it against WHAM. Off the list they should go.

George Michael is GAY? I guess we should have saw that coming!

#24: All Out of Love. Air Supply was the best at the power ballad. So why call them Wussies? That's like calling Oprah a talk show host. We know she is. Thanks.

#11: Hello. Ok. No one calls Lionel Richie a wuss! Lionel's the man, even if his "daughter" is causing him some negative press. At least he could say she's adopted. But Lionel did redeem himself with that "Your my angel..my miracle...you're all i need" dance song that made it's way around the Wedding circuit for a few years. I'd say that was a much wussier song than Hello. Go to any Karoake bar and you'll hear Hello at least once a night.

#7: What's Left of Me. You know I have to defend my boy Nick Lachey. Even if this song is incredibly sappy and wussy. Hopefully his next album is not so god damn mopey. So Nick, if you're reading...go back to the 98 degrees days please. Thanks.

#1: Shiny Happy People. You can't seriously put REM at #1? Really?? It's a feel good song just like the Wham's Wake Me up Before you Go-Go. I mean I know "You're Beautiful" and "I Want It That Way" are in the top 20, but you mean to tell me R.E.M is more wussie than the Backdoor Boys? I beg to differ. Who would you rather pick to win a fight...Michael Stipe or any of the Backdoor Boys?? Exactly.

You're calling Stipe a wuss? Stipe would kick any of the Backdoor Boys asses!

Anyway enjoy your weekend...and the trip down memory lane.

Enriching our Knowledge

So now that it's back to school time it's time to switch gears into more "studious topics"...ok, maybe not. But one of the thoughts I had while going to work today through the throng of kids begrudingly going back to school, was how kids have the world at their fingertips online. Back in the day, our only reference source was the Encyclopedia. Brittania was of course the best encyclopedia, but only those priviledged enough to have parents willing to cough up the few extra dollars instead of those who's parents got their encyclopedia collection with a purchase of $25 or more from Payless were able to reference it's vast amount of usefulness. I happened to love the encyclopedia, more so for the maps that I studied to last longer in our Geography game on road trips. You know the game. Someone mentions a place (city, state, country, river, etc) and the next person has to name a new place using the last letter of the last place mentioned as the first letter of the new place. Like if person A said New York, person B would have to start the next place with the letter K. And so on. If you haven't heard of the game before, don't ask. I was a big dork in school.

Anyways these days, the whippersnappers these days get to use Wikipedia. (www.wikipedia.org) for those who haven't seen or live under a rock. Wikipedia is like an encyclopedia in progress, with people adding pages of information per day. It's a pretty good source of useless knowledge and is slowly becoming the new google. Anyway, I read something the other day about the Hudson Canyon and how the topography of the canyon was just finished. For those who aren't familiar with the project it's really interesting.

You can read more about the project in this link


Anyway thought the project was pretty cool...would be curious to see what NYC trash they're able to find when they send subs down there to take photographs of the ocean floor.

Also on a side note, with all of the shit (no pun intended) that I get on this blog for all of my "potty" humor...I'm gonna go on the record by saying I was officially onto something. Especially considering the fact that a CNN Anchor recently got caught gossiping in the lou with her mic on on live air while the president was giving an address. If you haven't seen it it's pretty funny:

The CNN anchor is Kyra Phillips. Here is some of the transcript for those who can't make out the words over the president's:

Kyra Phillips: "–assholes–Yeah, I’m very lucky in that regard with my husband. My husband is handsome and he is genuinely a loving, you know, no ego–[unintelligible] you know what I’m saying. Just a really passionate, compassionate great, great human being. And they exist. They do exist. They’re hard to find. Yup. But they are out there."

[unidentified woman]: ‘We’ll see. He’s going to come, you know, he’s set for an extended visit–[unintelligible]"

Phillips: "I mean, that’s, that’s how you figure it all out, those extended visits. [laughter]"

[unidentified woman]: "Yeah, but my mom, I think she really likes him."

Phillips: "Mom’s got a good vibe? Good."

[unidentified woman]: "Yeah, my brother’s the one that–[unintelligible]"

Phillips: "Brother–of course, brothers have to be, you know, protective. Except for mine. I’ve got to be protective of him."

[unidentified woman–unintelligible]

Phillips: "Yeah. He’s married, three kids, but his wife is just a control freak."

[unidentified woman #2]: "Kyra."

Phillips: "Yeah, baby?"

[unidentified woman #2]: "Your mic is on. Turn it off. It’s been on the air."

Seconds later, Daryn Kagan stumbled through this awkward transition:

Daryn Kagan: "Alright, we’ve been listening in to President Bush as he speaks in, uh, New Orleans today. This is the one year anniversary of Katrina making land shore there. President Bush saying if another natural disaster hits, our country–we must, uh, react better than that. Let’s listen in once again to President Bush."

HAHAHA...classic. Wish I would've seen that live! Apparently that's not the first time she's messed up on the air. Apparently she once referred to U.S. Ambassador John Bolton to Michael Bolton. Click the link below to view the transcript and play the video:
http://newsbusters.org/node/1177

The Farting Preacher

Low brow but pretty funny.
..>

Stick a Fork in Them


That's directly off bostondirtdogs.com
I can't take much creative liberty for that :)

It's a pretty funny site for those who haven't seen. Written by Red Sox fans about the Red Sox and their fans.

The latest thing is blaming their recent bad luck on a crow that apparently "ran" onto the field a few weeks ago. Apparently the crow was injured and sat on first base for a while and hobbled around the field.



The crow spurred quite a bit of humorous remarks from Red Sox fans:

'I don't remember seeing anything like that,' said Elliott Ginsburg, a 64-year-old Sox fan who's held season tickets since 1972. 'That thing ran from base to base pretty good. I think he was faster than [Doug] Mirabelli was getting to the plate last night.' "

'He can probably hit better than Mirabelli,' snapped Anthony Taurasi, 32. 'He's probably just as good [on the basepaths] as Manny Ramírez.' " -- 8.2.06, Boston Globe

"In Greek superstition crows are seen as a bad omen, often foretelling death."
-- OldSuperstitions.com

Pretty funny stuff actually. It actually got some attention in the Boston Globe as well as on Seth Mnookin's blog (he wrote an apparently good book about the economics behind the Red Sox) http://www.sethmnookin.com/blog/2006/08/31/introducing-the-curse-of-the-gimpy-crow/

Anyway for those who don't follow baseball I can't help you much here, but for anyone immersed in the Yankees vs Redsox "rivalry" will get a kick out of this comment by one of the Red Sox players:

"Are you dealing with rational people? I don't know, they're Red Sox fans. If they want to boo, what are you going to do?" -- 08.30.06, Kevin Youkilis

I guess for this year we won't have to worry about the Sox in the playoffs...although I'm sure that will equal another first round loss to the Angels or White Sox.

Fast Food Nation - Literally

So just got this forwarded to me. It's a new "fast food" restaurant in the Village. Actually they have this concept at some rest stops, hot food in a vending machine. But actually displaying the food in the vending machines that you're about to purchase after a night of drunken debauchery is a novel concept. Here's an article about the new "restaurant" called Bamn!:



The Automat has returned.

Why it took fifteen years to bring back grilled cheese in a vending machine, we'll never know.

Today marks the red hot opening of Bamn!, the 24-hour St. Mark's crave shack that serves up wholesome, coin-accessible food all under three bucks. With a dozen mouth-watering options in full view behind clear plastic doors, you'll be overwhelmed by choice—spicy breaded wings or chicken nuggets? After a big night, this might be the most important question in the world.

Because we care deeply about how you spend your dollar, we took on the heavy task of tasting each and every item available at Bamn! and created three tasting menus, created from a complex matrix of taste, texture, and value—including the house "omakase":

THE $15 "CHEAP DATE" – 2 PB&J Krokets as a starter, 2 Terigrilled Chicken Burgers and French Fries (go big time and spring an extra 75 cents for truffle aioli dipping sauce), and finish off the romance with a Green Tea Soft Serve to share.

THE $10 "UD BEST OF BAMN!" – Our picks for the best dishes here: Musubi, a Hawaiian layering of rice, seaweed, and seared Spam (it doesn't get better than Spam from a vending machine), Teriburger, Roast Pork Buns, and the hands down Bamn! winner—the phenomenal Mac and Cheese Krokets, aka sticks of heaven.

THE $5 BAMN! CHEF'S "OMAKASE" – spicy breaded chicken Wings, Mozzarella Sticks, and a sticky glazed Japanese Donut ("This is a great sampler platter that should fill you up well," opines Consulting Chef Kevin Reilly on his selections.)

Please eat responsibly, and arm yourself with plenty of napkins—you won't find any utensils. Yes, cheap eating never looked better.

--------------------

It looks pretty cool...although I'd still prefer if Roll N Roaster was still open, but I guess this will have to do for now!

Funny Clip from Borat

Below will play a funny clip from Borat. For those who don't know, Borat is Sacha Cohen's (aka Ali G) character on the Ali G show. There's also a Borat movie scheduled to come out soon.

For more information check out his myspace page:
http://www.myspace.com/borat

Enjoy!

Everything on a stick

So fresh off my trip to the home of Coach (the TV show, not the bag) and the visited by 1.6 million people Minnesota State Fair, I'm happy to report my arteries have finally unclogged themselves. You see the rule of any state fair, is all the food you eat has to be either fried or on a stick. So being one to show no concern for my well being consumption wise I went on to follow the rules and eat my way through the fair, one stand at a time.

I started with your traditional corn dog...on a stick of course. The staple of any fair. I then went on to a belgium waffle on a stick. Dipped in chocolate. Buried in whipped cream. One of the best things I've ever eaten in my life. No joke. Bonus points since it was on a stick of course. Then I devoured a fried smores in which chocolate melted all over my fingers. Then it was on to Alligator sausage on a stick. Which was surprisingly good. Then it was a sampling of Hush Puppies (fried), a bite of a fried Snickers bar on a stick and a chocolate Milk Shake. All this in a span of 45 minutes. Surprisingly I felt neither sick nor bloated and thought about all of the other things I need to try at the fair. Unfortunately I was only there a few hours and couldn't indulge in these treats...although I took pictures of some of my favorite food stands:

Ass Explosion

So as I sit here in the dark in my office (since I got in before electricity was discovered apparently) I'm sitting here laughing my ass off. Why? Well I just had another funny bathroom experience. Well funny or disgusting depending on who you ask. I think these things happen to me just so I have something funny to write about.

So again the story starts just as I walk in the bathroom. I hear a foot tapping on the ground and see the stall door closed. So I know that that's my warning someone is in there (see my blog posting in June about bathroom signal behavior). Anyway what I hear next is the sound of exploding ass. I know we've all been there before with diarrea and really bad episodes on the potty...but this was probably the LOUDEST ass explosion I have ever heard. I mean I'm sure the blast lifted him off the seat. I didn't hear anything else after that for at least 10 seconds so I thought either a) he died b) he was too embarrassed to make a sound. Meanwhile I hadn't even gotten to unzip my fly to take a piss. So I decided to take one for the team and leave him in piece with a quick flush, wash and go. I feel sorry for the poor bastard...actually I feel sorry for his ass. We've all been there buddy. We wish you well.

So onto another event that made me mad this morning (btw I really haven't had much to blog about the past couple of days hence the lack in posting...but today 2 events in one day! Jackpot!!) I was in Starbucks getting my morning blast of caffeine (Iced Skim Latte Mocha latta chino w/ triple shot of Turbo (btw I think the best merge of a franchise would be Starbucks and Jamba Juice. People would be flying off the walls!) Anyway, I get an iced latte and a apple fritter (sugar + apples + icey bun = goodness!!) and the total comes out to $5.01. I give the way too peppy this early in the am cashier a $20 and say sorry I don't have any change. Well he preceeds to start to give me my $14 in bills and starts to dig out the 99 cents in change.

I was like wait, are you kidding. He said you don't have anything, a nickel, dime? I thought to myself here's this company that makes millions in dollars each day and he's haggling me over a fucking penny?? Most delis run by foreigners that live and die by every penny would even just chalk up the loss. So I see the plastic cube they have at the register that had about 13 cents in there in pennies and nickels. So I used one of those. I don't care that it's their tip jar. If they are that stuck up for a fucking penny then they deserve to lose a penny tip. Ridiculous. I was on boycott of Starbucks for a long time and recently was sucked back in thanks to concoctions like the Iced Cinnamon Dolce Latte and the Gingerbread Latte...but I may have to reconsider my boycott again. Plus all I really buy starbucks for is its supreme use as a Laxative. Although hopefully for my sake it doesn't give me the exploding ass like I heard in the stall this morning. I prefer to keep my colon inside of my body thank you.

Anyway I'm flying to St. Paul today to visit our traveling Road Tour at the Minnesota State Fair. I'm sure I'll have plenty of fun to share...including the latest in Mullet design.

Actually I think the Starbucks is starting to kick in already...forget Jamba Juice...they should merge with Metamusil or ExLax! Actually I wouldn't be surprised if the "Mocha" is really just ground up exlax. I'll have to investigate.

I'm off before I shart myself...

All along I thought it was "Some Puerto Rican Guy"

So with all this fury about John Mark Karr and if he did/didn't kill JonBenet Ramsey it made me think of the South Park episode where Butters' mother tries to kill Butters by driving the car with him in it into a lake and then tells the police "Some Puerto Rican Guy" killed his son after Butters disappears. This was followed by OJ Simpson, the Ramsey Parents and Gary Condit (Chandra Levy "killer") all coming out in the media to blame their accused deaths on "Some Puerto Rican Guy".

If you didn't see the episode it's probably in the top 10 South Park episodes of all time. You can read a great synpopsis of the episode here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butters'_Very_Own_Episode

Anyway, just taking a look at this guy's picture you can tell he's not guilty.
All his "mug shots" all over the papers had like the perfect lighting on his face. His poses were very contrived, almost like he was mugging for the camera (if you haven't seen, just pick up a paper...any paper in the last 2 days and take a look). If not here's one of the photos that ran in today's Post:


This guy seems like he's an out of work actor who's just itching to play the part of JonBenet's killer in the ABC afterschool miniseries about abduction. Plus we know the rule of any killer with three names is definitely innocent. Don't believe me? Well you shouldn't. Although John Wilkes Booth didn't really kill Lincoln...it was another actor playing his part. And James Earl Ray didn't kill MLK (that one is more believable). And Lee Harvey Oswald didn't kill JFK. The list goes on and on.

Anyway, this just smells like total B.S. Plus wouldn't this guy wait like 20, 30 years to confess, when he's too old to put in jail so they just put him on house arrest? Maybe that's just me. But I still am willing to bet that 3 years from now, he's starring in the made-for-TV movie of this case.

That's just my two cents. To leave you on a fun note...here's a link to me knocking out Glass Joe in Mike Tyson's PunchOut. Enjoy your weekend!

Skydiving ragdoll

So in the spirit of YouTube and other websites that allow shameless video to be shared w/ the masses, I've decided to join in the fun.

Most of my friends have seen this video of me skydiving over 2 years ago. Especially John and Erica who joined me on that day.

Well in this infamous video, the video editor slowed down the footage just enough to make it look like I was a rag doll. If you have never been skydiving before, they tell you not to look down and to keep your head back as you leave the plane. Well being one not to follow directions I take a look down to see the view.

The rest is pure unintentional comedy as it literally looks like a) I'm gonna puke b) My head is going to snap off. c) I'm a flying stuffed sausage. d) I'm a flying blue condom e) All of the above

The only thing that happened was the puking part came 30 minutes later, but the video result is pretty humorous. I think the best part is my subtle look at the camera right before falling off the plane. I definitely wasn't scared, but it was more of a look like, holy shit, am I really jumping out of a plane at 14,000 feet! Am I fuckin insane?

Anyway I guess you have to see the whole video to appreciate...but it's over 3 minutes long and too long to post. So if you haven't seen it, next time you're over just remind me to play it for you.

I hope to have other humorous home video for you soon. In the meantime, here's the skydiving video...enjoy!