Big Pimpin

So got a bit of a shocker just a while ago from John.

Apparently our beloved James Lipton, host of the venerable Inside the Actors Studio, was apparently a pimp earlier in his career.



Now, watching him on TV he is very calculating and reserved. Not qualities you would expect from a pimp.

Actually the news was suprising to all, especially Tony Soprano himself. James Gandolfini was unofficially quoted saying during a taping of Inside the Actors Studio: "If I knew he waz a pimp, I woulda cast him in da show. Capice?".



I love the quote from Lipton: "We were earning our living together, this young woman and I, we made a rather good living, I must say."

What they didn't tell you was he followed that with a hearty laugh and a "Well played Mr. Lipton".

I wonder if he had index cards for all of the prostitutes he pimped out and interviewed.

Imagine the scene.

Faux Inside the Actors Studio (a cheap run down flat outside of Paris). Dark room, lit by only one lightbulb hanging precariously from the ceiling. Mr. Lipton in a big leather chair sitting across from a young prostitute. Mr. Lipton takes a puff of a pipe as he admires said prostitute.

After a long awkward pause, Mr Lipton says: "If your vagina could be an animal what animal would it be".

The prostitute hesitates and answers in a french accent: "I would be a beav-ah... Monsieur".

Lipton: (tilts his head back and laughs) "Ha-ha-ha, well played madame, well played."

End scene.

Obviously if you've never seen his show, or the parody of his show on Saturday Night Live, you won't find any of this funny. If you haven't seen it, Will Farrell actually did one of the best James Lipton impersonations ever:



Pure comedic genius.

In other news:

Apparently Kid Rock got into a brawl at the Waffle House in Hot-lanta over the weekend.



Hopefully he paid for his fuckin waffles. Last time he stiffed me that prick!

So you need to be naked to be famous these days



So I just heard about this (am I the fuckin last to know? Guess that's what I get for not reading the Post!).

Apparently last Friday some ad agency worker had a meltdown and walked around the streets of Manhattan naked:

http://www.nypost.com/seven/10132007/news/regionalnews/nude_nut_had_bad_bare_day.htm





According to the article, Josh Drimmer, 26, "temporarily lost his senses and that he was just having a really bad day...It was an extreme panic attack brought on by days of not sleeping. I had a bad day."

Now, I've worked my fair share of bad days in agency land but never took to the streets naked as a result. I may have done some swearing and maybe even broken a pencil or two (don't tell!) but that's gotta be some kinda meltdown to go to Times Square in the nude.

Unless he was just trying to show up the Naked Cowboy.



But apparently this may not have been Mr. Drimmer's first nude appearance in public. According to the article, Drimmer, a Yale graduate, was in a group called the "Pundits" where there were naked parties with party goers hanging out in the nude.

Mr. Drimmer is also a fellow blogger. He writes a blog, "Excellence Makes Wack Irrelevant" which he classifies as "some jottings, findings, and sharp darts thrown by Josh Drimmer, playwright, pontificator, patriot."

Although he hasn't updated his blog in quite some time so needless to say he's "petered out" on the whole blogging experience? Hey-oh! Thank you, thank you. I'll be here till Friday, try the veal.

Anyway, this guy is now a mega celebrity. He even caught the eye of this police officer who apparently thinks he's a "detective":


Notice the officer on the left "inspecting" the package

Easy there officer. If you stare at it too long it'll make you go blind. Or is that what they say about masterbating too much? Can't remember.

Anyway, am I jealous at his new found fame? Sure. But until I get into "nudity baring" shape I promise I'll spare my fellow New Yorkers of me running around in the buff. Unless I need the publicity of course. Cause then I can just chalk it up to a bad day.

I leave you, Mr. Drimmer, with some words to live by:

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

This just in...

Breaking news out of Live Science. Apparently "Eyes Can't Resist Beautiful People".



According to the article:

Whether we're looking for someone to date or sizing up a potential rival, our eyes irresistibly lock on to good-looking people, a new study finds.

Participants, all heterosexual men and women, fixated on highly attractive people within the first half-second of seeing them. Single folks ogled the opposite sex, of course. But those in committed relationships more often eyed beautiful people of the same sex.

"If we're interested in finding a mate, our attention gets quickly and automatically stuck on attractive members of the opposite sex," explained study leader Jon Maner of Florida State University. "If we're jealous and worried about our partner cheating on us, attention gets quickly and automatically stuck on attractive people of our own sex because they are our competitors."

Maner's research is based on the idea that evolution has primed our brains to subconsciously latch on to signs of physical attractiveness in others, both to find a mate and to guard him or her from potential competitors.

But this evolutionary trick is not without potential romantic peril. Even some people in committed relationships had trouble tearing their eyes away from attractive members of the opposite sex. On the other hand, fixating on attractive people of the same sex as rivals could contribute to feelings of insecurity.

Maner found that men prone to jealousy kept a close eye on attractive potential rivals.

"When it comes to concerns about infidelity, men are very attentive to highly attractive guys because presumably their wives or girlfriends may be too," he said.

Maner's experiments, which flashed pictures of attractive men and women and average-looking men and women in front of participants and measured the time it took to shift their attention away from the image, surprisingly showed little difference between the sexes.

"Women paid just as much attention to men as men did to women," Maner said.

The study is detailed in the September issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

---

Thanks for that ground breaking story Ms. Andrea Thompson. No seriously. I'm glad Live Science is devoting time and resources to letting the public know that we like to ogle hot people. I mean I can't imagine that's why there's oh, 100 different celebrity and beauty magazines. Retards. Actually lemme dig up one of my newly found insults. Ah, got one. You bloody herring choker! There...now I really dug one into you.

Anyway, I was recently tagged by Tortious for The Face Behind the Blog tag. Since CDP was brave enough to show her face on her blog, and since I can't avoid a game of tag to save my life I'll take her up on the tag. Although most of you already know what I look like...but for those that don't, I present to you the face behind WhatPushesMyButtons:

\/
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That's right...I'm none other than Nahoud, the Jihad Bee. I teach children about the joys of Jihad.

I mean my commute back and forth between NYC and the Middle East is pretty tough these days, but those guys at Al Jeezera really know how to let you fly in comfort. I mean, first class all the way. Unlimited honey to snack on. My favorite bollywood porn movies.

What else could a Jihad bee ask for?

(BTW CDP: I've secretly hidden a photo of myself on this blog post...betcha' can't guess which one is me!)

And now a word from our sponsors

Firstly my apologies for the lack of updates recently. As many of you know I've been off traveling this great country of ours for work and my latest stop brought me to Springfield, MO.

After being stuck in the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport for 9 hours because not one, not two but three of my flights I was scheduled to leave on had mechanical failures (including one right before take off), I was stuck in airport long time as Tom Hanks would say (that sentence sponsored by the Terminal - now available on BetaMax for your viewing pleasure).

So after barhopping through the airport, including spending 2 1/2 hours downing Vodka Tonics in chili's and talking to the 5 or 6 people who sat next to me at the bar since I wasn't going anywhere for a while (that sentence sponsored by Snickers. Satisfy your hunger today), I finally made my way to Springfield. I hopped on my flight and it was one of those "puddle jumpers" with one seat, aisle and 2 seats, with just enough headroom to fit the cast of Little People, Big World (thanks to my sponsor, TLC). I was sitting in seat 2A...which would be first class normally, although on a puddle jumper it just means I'm sitting in the service vestibule (yes, I broke out the word vestibule. I'm working on 2 1/2 hrs of sleep here people. Thanks).

Anyway the flight attendant (male) came up to me and said we have the last name. I asked him how he pronounces his and he said Jet-tay. I said really, me too. Then he says, well I can't really say that though cause I live down south and they don't like the French much down here. Actually the funny part is I don't bother correcting people on my last name either, especially on the road. Last thing I need is to start a holy way south of the mason dixon line by sounding french, even though no one in my family speaks French nor can we directly trace any French heritage. So I just let them call me Mr. Jet.

Well Mr. Jet-tay (the flight attendant) and I chatted for a long while and he was a pleasant fellow who grew up in CT and moved to Dallas 21 years ago. He even game me an extra can of coke to take on the road. Which was much appreciated since I had missed my ride which left at 3pm and had to rent my own car. Nothing like driving in unfamiliar territory at 10pm after spending all day in the airport downing Vodka Tonics. But then again this is Missouri and I was heading towards a place I've always wanted to visit: Branson.


Branson, MO - the Las Vegas of the Midwest, without the hi-priced strippers

I mean how can you not love the entertainment capital of the midwest. Home to such family friendly acts as Tony Orlando & Dawn, Yakov Smirnoff and the Baldknobbers.





Coming down the highway (Route 86) there's about 1 million billboards advertising all of the activities you can do in Branson, like watch D rated entertainment, eat, shop and eat some more. I've seen it featured in numerous food and travel shows and have always wanted to stop to take a look. Unfortunately I was in no mood for stopping at 10pm and even more unfortunately my schedule prohibited me from truly experiencing Branson, save for the neon sign that said Branson and the huge Yakov! sign above Yakov Smirnoff's theatre:



I guess I'll just have to go pay another visit someday. Especially when I'm in the mood for some banjo jubilee and some bald guys with no teeth. Nothing says entertainment like the Baldnobbers!

(This whole post sponsored by Lunesta - who reminds you to be responsible and get more than 2 1/2 hours of sleep).

"Fantasy" Weekend

When you think "fantasy weekend" you probably don't envision 12 guys in a room drinking beer, talking football, with a newborn and a greyhound (unless maybe you're Britney Spears). But when it's fantasy football season, there's no time for females or lounging at the beach. There's some pride on the line and some drafting to be done! Well, this past weekend was my annual fantasy football draft. I'm proud to say our league has been in existance for 15 years and I think I've been a part of it for the last 9. The best part about our league is that we try to be together in person for the draft. Obviously getting everyone in the same room year after year is difficult, especially with people living all over the country, but that's what makes our league special.

Anyway, not to bore you with all of the fantasy football details (if you want to know my team feel free to post a comment) but one of the highlights is always the food. We've come a long way since our inception, and at recent drafts you could find lobster, freshly caught steamed quahog, Vietnamese Tiger Shrimp (the biggest shrimp you've ever seen!), homemade chili and other tasty treats (both homemade and store bought).

For this year I was able to bust out some boneless buffalo chicken strips using my newly updated recipe. I bake my famous "buffalo wings" instead of frying them and make a "special sauce" which has become famous over the years at Super Bowl parties and other gatherings. I've started to substitute chicken wings for skinless, boneless chicken breast that I carve up into bite size portions and bake away. The result is a nice tender and tasty buffalo chicken piece that's for the most part healthy for you (minus the sodium in the buffalo wing sauce).


My buffalo style chicken (right) accompanied by Pigs in a Blanket and Jalepeno Poppers

Along with my buffalo style chicken we feasted on Connell's chili, pizza, homemade Hummus, brownies, and Ian's extra large, butterflied grilled tiger shrimp (of which I ate about 20 of - hence no pictures).


Connell's chili


Pizza and homemade hummus

So the food this year was a success, even if we didn't have freshly caught clams and steamed lobster. But maybe we'll make up for it next year!

Anyway, I had another "fantasy" experience last night when I was invited to a swank party thrown by Meow Mix. Now when you think Meow Mix you don't think party (unless there's some catnip thrown in!) but the party was a "Meow Mix Acatemy Back to School party".

The party was thrown in a converted space on Union Square East and 15th street. There were limos in the front and cameras everywhere and immediately I thought I wouldn't be let in with my khakis and untucked polo shirt. But since I "was on the list" I was let in.

Immediately after I walked through the front doors it was like a stepped on stage of a model shoot. To my left was a photo area where singer Kat DeLuna was holding some cats and posing for pictures. On my right was an area to purchase Meow Mix "attire" including t-shirts and handbags. Further into the room were two side rooms with more photo areas, including a life-size kitty play area where another model was taking pictures. The room then opened up into a bar and food area, with a stage and areas to "catnap" and stretch.

Since the party was cat themed, invited guests were (besides Kat DeLuna): Iron Chef Cat Cora, "Big Pussy" from the Sopranos, CariDee (winner of America's Next Top Model) and Rachel Hunter. Not sure what Rachel Hunter had to do with cats, but regardless she was there (although I didn't even recognize her, nor did I recognize any celebrities for that matter). All I know was that there were LOTS of tall women there (presumably all models) and lots of yummy food (and a large sampling of Meow Mix Salmon treats for your cats there for the taking). I had joked with some guests that they should serve up the cat treats on little crackers just to see if people would've noticed the difference (they probably wouldn't have). But all in all for the little I was there it was a good time (how can you not enjoy watching models prance around a small room trying to "one-up" each other).

Here are some published pics from last night:





Apparently the "Meow Mix Acatemy" is here to stay for a while too. So may be something to check out if you're a cat lover. Although hopefully the geniuses beyond ICanHazCheezburger won't go and fuck it up for cat lovers.

My own empire

A few months back ESR-W came back from a trip to Europe with a tearout of a magazine. The tearout was of a fragrance entitled: Jette by Night



I laughed of course being that's my last name and kept it aside for a keepsake.

Well more recently I saw another ad for Jette by Night, but this time for a shower and body gel!



So I decided to look up the product. Lo and behold the product is a huge sensation throughout Europe! No way! Not only is it a fragrance, body and shower gel, but there's also jewelry, clothing, footwear, eyewear and even skates! Crazy!

I found out the designer is a lady named Jette Joop so she named all of her product line after herself (although secretly I think she named the products after me!). In fact, the designer is so popular she throws huge bashes when a new product line is launched!



It's crazy. And since it's a European based company they definitely use sex to sell "my product". Take a look at these hot 'adverts':





I'm thrilled my product is all about the high fashion. Especially the roller skates.


My skates are off the hook!

Obviously it's all one big coincidence that the product line is named after me. But regardless it seems like this "imposture" is making quite a living off using my name. Maybe I'll have to consult my attorneys to get some royalties. I mean she's gotta be raking in millions!

So Ms. Joop or Ms. Jette...or whatever you go by, just remember, as Brooke Astor said: "Money is like manure, it should be spread around."

"Taste-O-Vision"

So last night went to an advanced screening of Crazy Legs Conti's new DVD release: Crazy Legs Conti: Zen and the Art of Competitive Eating.



This wasn't like any ordinary screening however, as the film was being presented in Taste O'Vision.

Taste O'Vision is exactly what it sounds like. You taste something based on what's on the screen.

Conti only screened portions of the DVD last night, but had four jelly beans flavored based on what he was eating on the screen:

Butter

Hot Dogs

Oysters

Donuts



A prompt came across the screen telling you when it was time to indulge in your tasty treats to experience the same taste sensations that Crazy Legs was partaking in on screen.

The concept is quite funny actually, and definitely works considering how eccentric the food he was eating was.

I mean, you're not gonna get a Jelly Bean to taste exactly like an oyster or a hotdog, but I guess the flavoring gods were able to work their magic with that (actually I'm hoping to have some expert commentary in regards to the science behind the flavoring for you shortly).

Anyway, despite a few yucks and eww, grosses from the crowd I didn't mind the taste of the jellybeans. Despite them not tasting like your ordinary cherry or orange jellybean I didn't think they were half bad. The butter one tasted like buttery popcorn. The hotdog one tasted like smoked sausage. The donut one tasted like cotton candy. And the oyster one...well really didn't have any taste. All in all I'd rather eat these flavored jellybeans than a licorice one. Or any of those other bitter flavors.

All in all the screening was a success. The DVD includes many other features, including outtakes, scenes from competitions and other segments including girls dunking their "buns" - literally...hot dogs and hamburgers were affixated to their bums. Pretty funny actually.

This premiere was also celebrity studded with some of the all-time greats from the eating community. In attendance were: Ed "Cookie" Jarvis, Eric "Badlands" Booker, Kevin Lipshitz, Don “Moses” Lerman among others.


"Badlands" Booker


"Cookie" Jarvis


Cookie's coat listing all of his championships

Lindsay Lohan was supposed to also be in attendance but unfortunately she got arrested again. They wanted to see her try to eat more than two bagels without physically exploding, but she conveniently got arrested before she could attempt that feat! I smell chicken!

Paranoia Paranoia…

“Every one is coming to get me…”

Everyone knows that catchy song by Harvey Danger. Well I’ve been going through my own fits of paranoia recently, misplacing items like my wallet, or my keys...only to find them 5 minutes later in the last place I put them. So I can definitely empathize with the guy on the bus this morning (I took the bus down to work today since I have my golf clubs with me – and actually the bus was pretty painless for a change...only 40 mins door to door!). Anyway this guy sitting across from me kept looking over at me with this sly smirk on his face. It was an “I hate you, you bastard, going to play golf while I’m stuck in the office” kinda look. Only the joke is really on him since a)I dress casually going into work now (shorts and flops) b)I’m only going to the driving range – tomorrow.

Anyway after staring at me in a fit of jealous rage for the better part of 20 minutes or so he gets off the bus. Thankful to have his glare off me I was able to enjoy listening to my IPod, which I haven’t listened to in a good few months. No more than 5 minutes later the same guy comes running on the bus frantically. He runs to his seat and starts searching around. I didn’t see him drop anything. He looks at me like I took something. I just shrug my shoulders as he checks hi and lo like a maniac. Everyone on the bus is staring at him and he starts cursing: “Motherfucking sonofabitch. Fuck!”

On one hand I was amused since who doesn’t laugh at a person in a frantic state. But I did feel bad for the guy. He was in complete and utter disarray. Feeling helpless and unsure. I’ve been there 100 times…so I could empathize. Although the only thing that popped in my head was the “Paranoia Paranoia” song. If only I had that on my IPod.

Wait…lo and behold…I got it! Sweet!

Anyway, now that the “self-imposed embargo” is over, wanted to share some video and more pics of the Pizza Hut P’Zone Eating Challenge that took place on July 10th.

Here is video of the first minute or so of action.



The contest was basically over after the first bite, but the funny part is Tim Janus trying to coach her on some eating style after Chestnut basically finished his P’Zone in 60 seconds and she was still nibbling away on the first half. That and the unintentional comedic genius of George Shea who was narrating the contest.


The contest ready to start


Marivic trying desparately to keep up with Joey


Ladies and Gentlemen, your P'Zone eating champion!

In the "P-Zone"

Before I get into the "zone", it was like I hit the lottery this morning. There was no line at Starbucks (although by the time I left the line was out the door) and I even got a free Women's Health wristband for a promotion they're doing this weekend!



Seriously, what else could a guy ask for?? It's like I stepped in shit today (actually true story - I almost did...wasn't looking down and thankfully last second I nimbly avoided the pile of poo). Actually maybe I fooled the "stepped in shit gods" into thinking I actually stepped in shit when I in fact avoided it! Hmm...I'll see how my luck the rest of the day goes before confirming this theory.

Anyway on this past Tuesday I had the pleasure of attending the first Pizza Hut P’Zone Eating Challenge which took place right here in the NYC.



The contest, put on by Pizza Hut as a promotion for their P’Zone, invited anyone in the nation a chance to compete against Kobayashi in a pizza eating challenge.

The drawing, which was done at random, was soliciting amateur eaters a chance to go up against one of the all-time eating legends.

The lucky winner? Marivic Stewart from Spokane, WA, a married mother of two, who was partaking in her first competitive eating battle.

The challenger however wasn’t Kobayashi, who was still suffering the effects of a recent jaw injury and could not compete (Pizza Hut is claiming the thickness of their P’Zone would be too much for Kobayashi’s jaw to handle). Marivic’s challenger was none other than the man himself, Joey Chestnut.


Kobayashi explaining that he won't be competing

The challenge was to eat as many P'Zone's as you could in 6 minutes. While I’m not at privilege to disclosure the results of the competition (the information, as well as video from the event will be released on Friday the 13th), you can make your own assumptions about who the victor was.

Regardless of not being able to report on the “official results” just yet it was a fun event, and I was among the small crowd who watched the proceedings carefully. The event wasn’t open to the public, but through some friendly contact from the PR Director of Pizza Hut, I was able to learn about the location.

I also got a chance to meet the new American hero, Joey Chestnut, live and in the flesh. Also in attendance in the room were none other than Kobayashi himself and fellow IFOCE competitive eaters Eric “Crazy Legs” Conti and Tim “Eater X” Janus.



Three of the best eaters in the world in one room: Crazy Legs, Joey Chestnut and me!

Besides the eaters, there were only some members of the media (who taped the festivities for Pizza Hut and the MLE - Major League Eating) and some of Kobayashi’s interpreters and PR agents. Being that I was the MOST influential “media” in the room (after all I do have the “best blog” in NYC right? Ok maybe it’s more like the best blog among blind lepers, but that counts for something right?) I had the ability to be among the privileged few to witness the best eaters in the world up close and personal (until they started letting the general public in by giving away free P’Zones…but even then people had no idea what was transpiring, took their free P'Zones and left. Idiots)

After the competition ended and the competitor who shall remain nameless took home the title, I headed back to my office with P'Zone in hand.




I had the Pepperoni stuffed P'Zone. After watching the competition and being in the same room with boxes and boxes of pizza smelling goodness, and no doubt inspired by the eating prowess I shared a room with, I made quick work of the P'Zone in front of me. Joey himself would have been proud.



All in all it was a great day. Got to say hello to the greatest eaters on the planet and got to watch Joey himself chow down in an intimate setting. It certainly wasn't like the 20,000 plus people who crammed into Coney Island to watch him shatter the world Hot Dog eating record, but standing no more than 30 feet away from the man himself with 20 other people in the room at most was completely fine by me.

So hot in...so hot in herre

Yes...I misspelled here...Nelly misspelled it too and he sold 10 trillion records. So maybe by misspelling it I'll get like 10 trillion page views. Not likely, but worth a shot.

Anyway I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying this whole dress casual to work and then change at work thing. It's been a lifesaver. I'm sweating half as much as I used to. The subway was packed this am, but I kept cool by wearing a polo shirt, cargo shorts and flip flops. Sure, my toes were nearly crushed to pieces 100 times. And yes, I did still sweat a little while trying to keep my duffel bag between my legs and avoid tipping over thanks to the people crashing into me. But you know what, my legs didn't sweat. None of those nasty sweats under your pants you can't get rid of the rest of the day.

Sure, people may look at you like you're not important. Or they may say, oh, he must be a camp counselor or look at that guy, he probably is a mail room clerk or something derogatory like that. And maybe the guys with the suits get more looks from the ladies than the guy dressing like he's going to the beach. But you know what...ask the guy in the suit who's more comfortable? He may look better, but ask him how the sweat feels that's running down his back? Let's see how he feels when the pit stains under his arms start showing up in 30 seconds.

I can't stress enough how dressing casually has done wonders for my mood in the morning. I went into my barber shop this am...my barber asked me if I was going to the beach. I said with a chuckle, nope...going to work. I walked down the street and people looked at me with a mixture of curiousity and no doubt jealousy. I was "that guy" dressed like a California surfer amidst the throngs of "think I'm important" business people. Although the worst part is when I get to work and have to change. Off come the shorts, on go those restrictive pants. My mood deflats a bit. But at least I'm a little less sweatier to start my day. And I can take solice that for even a brief time this morning, it felt like a day at the beach. Minus the sand, surf and pina colada's of course.

Anyway, I saw this morning that Clay Aiken got "beat up by a girl" on a flight recently. According to reports: "the dispute was over the male passenger's foot resting on the woman's armrest. He said there was an allegation the woman gave the male passenger a "minor shove" during the argument."

I'm sure Clay was like "Bitch, I'm resting my foot on your armrest. Don't you know who I am. I'm Clay Fuckin Aiken. Now get on your knees and bow down in front of me".


And on the 8th day God created Clay

And then the girl stood up and Clay stood up. And the girl was much bigger and badder than Clay. And bopped him one right in the kisser.

$11 for lunch?

So I was thoroughly disgusted after buying lunch today. Instead of going to the grocery store like I planned to go by cold cuts and a loaf of bread to make sandwiches the rest of the week (the cost effective and sensible thing to do), I had too much to do this am so I just picked up lunch at the good ole Silo Cafe. You'll know thanks to previous posts that this place is hoping...in fact, there's about 100 people in there at one time during the lunching hours. They're making money hand over fist without a doubt.

Anyway, I ordered a Roast Beef sandwich on whole wheat bread, with Muenster cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and hot peppers. You'd think that'd cost $5-$6 bucks maybe. Nope...$7.25. $7.25 for a sandwich on regular bread. Not even a fucking hero. That's absurd. Throw in the small bag of pretzals and the Honest-T, and lunch cost me $11 and change!


The $11 lunch

Fucking absurd. Really. They fucking price gauge you there like a bitch. Not the first time I complained about that either. I think I'm done with them for a while. Yes, their food is generally good and the choices are varied. But you know what, if they are gonna charge $7.25 for a fuckin sandwich I'm going elsewhere.

Serves me right I guess for not going to the store and bringing my own lunch. But that's the price you pay when you're a slave to the vast culinary wasteland of Midtown.

Speaking of Midtown and culinary wasteland...for those who haven't heard of the site before, MidtownLunch.com is a great review of all the affordable places to eat lunch in Midtown. Site owner and reviewer Zach Brooks and his site has been featured in numerous news articles and online features in the past year or so. And today, I had the priviledge of having my very own profile placed on the site. Cool stuff.

Check it out on MidtownLunch.com


I'm hoping to work with Zach on my "super secret" project coming out later this year so stay tuned!

What ever happened to Eight is Enough???

I was skimming across People magazine the other day and saw this article about the Duggar family. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are 40 year old parents who live in Arkansas. (Jim Bob is a real estate agent). You would think they were the average family, living the average American life.

Your guess would be that they have 3, 4, maybe 5 kids right?

Nah, keep going.

6, 7?

Nope.

9, 10?

You'll need more than 2 hands.

12, 13???

Ha...not there yet.

15???

Close...but no cigar.

Let's try 16 kids...with a 17th on the way!!!!!! (Click for a bigger picture)

The Duggar clan

17 fuckin kids!!! The oldest is 19 years old. Two sets of twins.

According to the family, after the birth of child #1 they "thought we'd leave the decision about how many children to have up to God".

Smart move.

While I'm not one to judge them for populating this world, I can criticize them in the naming of their children. They named all their children with the letter J. I hate when people do that. Its bad enough when you do that with three or four children. But 17??? What the fuck?

Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, and to be born Jennifer Danielle.

Throw in Jim Bob as the dad and that's 18 people in the family with the letter J. Why doesn't the wife just change her name from Michelle to something with a J? Make it a clean fuckin sweep. Or did they use up all the J names already?

According to the mother she wants even more!! Good move. Why don't you just populate the entire town while you're at it. I mean at this point, once your children start having children you know damn well incest is gonna run rapid.

Scene: county fairgrounds. behind the bleachers. teenage boy and girl about to make out.

Girl: wait...before we do this, are you a Duggar by any chance???

Boy: why yes I am. What bout' you?

Girl: I am Tooo!

Commence making out.

End Scene.

The family even has their own website, Duggar Family.com and are celebrities thanks to numerous appearances on TV. They even have their own show on the Discovery Health Channel.

Listen people...let's not encourage them. Let's not celebrate this as a "glorious gift from God". I happen to think this is child imprisonment at its highest. Don't believe me. Look at this picture:



Every Duggar child "has" to start on violin at age 4. Does anyone else see something fucked up in that? I mean I know you have to teach them to do chores around the house at a young age, like laundry, cook, clean etc, especially when you have a family that big. But forcing them to play an instrument? Why not just let them pick it up and play when they're curious about it?

Look at the faces on some of the children (click the pic for a bigger view). They don't look too thrilled to be playing do they??? I mean, isn't that basically a form of child abuse by forcing them to do things they necessarily don't want to do? No? Am I totally off base here?

Celebrate them if you'd like. Praise them for populating the world with "god's greatest gift". I'm sure they're good, honest people just trying to find joy in their lives. But what concerns me is the mental state of their children. How can you possible give love, affection and attention to 17 children!!! You can't. You know damn well some of those children will grow up to have serious mental problems based on neglect or from constantly being in the media spotlight. You can see it in their faces already. Some of the younger children look scared shitless in that picture. Like if they didn't pick up the violin they'd be beaten with a wire hanger.

I'm not accusing them of abusing their children physically, but mentally how can they not be??? It's bad enough a family of 3 or 4 has to deal with middle child syndrome. What about a family of 17?

"Sue" City

So last night I saw that Borat (Sasha Baron Cohen) is being sued again based on a clip that appeared in the movie Borat. The man doing the suing is Jeffrey Lemerond, a 31 year old geeky Wall Street financial analyst, who was shown in the movie running furiously away from Borat as he tried to give him a hug. Obviously Mr. Lemerond, who went to "Dartmouth" and therefore has no sense of humor, has suffered “public ridicule, degradation and humiliation” as a result of his appearance in the film. Apparently he's suing on grounds he never gave consent to appear in the film.

Here's the link to the article and also the video clip from the movie and analysis from CNBC: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19103391/

Well of course they never got consent you douchebag...you were too busy running your ass off like a chicken shit. I think the other guy who told Borat he'd "break his fucking face" if he tried to touch him looked like even more of a douchebag in the movie (douchebag IS the word of the day btw).


The word of the day is Douchebag!

The New York City scenes in the movie cracked me up, probably because I live here...but the chicken on the subway scene was great. Especially when he told the passengers "Be careful he bite" as the chicken was flying around the subway. I need to get the movie on DVD...I'm cracking up just thinking about it.

Anyway, point is, yes these guys made a big fool out of themselves in a movie that millions saw around the world. But you know what, they should embrace the fact that they looked like douchebags (AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!). I'd be like, yeah, I ran from Borat...but I'm a "celebrity" now. I mean look at William Hung. He made more of an ass out of himself than anyone in recent history and now he's got his own record deal and will forever be "infamous".

I'm sorry that the little sissy got his feelings hurt. He didn't know his running away act was gonna be filmed for one of the most popular movies of all time. But maybe he should of stopped and talked to Borat instead of running away. I mean he must have saw the camera right? He could have said sorry I don't want to appear in this movie. And that would've been the end of it. Better yet, they could have easily just had the camera running on a tripod and filmed his likeness walking by, and thus he would've been in the movie.

Hell, most of us have probably been in movies or TV shows walking around in the background of some street scene. Not all movies are filmed in roped off little areas. Sometimes you just get establishing shots with people walking by. You think everyone in the movie Midnight Cowboy signed a release to appear in the film? How bout Tootsie? Thousands of people were filmed walking down the streets in those movies. Some were probably picking their nose or wearing embarassing clothing. Did they sue? No.

So the fact that he ran is really his fault. Maybe next time he shouldn't be such a mama's boy. Although he's making even more of an ass of himself now by suing. Just look at this headline (click image to read the article):



Ouch! I mean really...Jeffrey. Look what you've done now! Instead of just taking a ribbing from people that know you, now you're getting lambasted all over the internet. Good work. Hope that lawsuit goes well for you. You've should have just said, you know what guys...I'm a pussy. I ran away like a chicken shit. But you know what...at least I'm famous now. Nope...instead he's crying wolf. And you know what happened to the boy who cried wolf. He got his ASS BEAT!!!

Queer Eye for the "Street Guy"

So once again I've managed to run into Carson Kressley. This time he walked by me on 34th and Lexington as I was out for a midday stroll during lunch. I would have said hi to him but he was on the phone. So I did what any responsible citizen would do. I took a picture of him hailing a cab!

Maybe I can be one of those tabloid journalists right now for the Enquirer or Star.


Ooooooh look it's Carson Kressley hailing a cab in his summer finest.


Carson successfully hails a cab!!!!

Maybe there's something to this whole paparazzi thing afterall...hmm...

American Idle

So I'm probably the only person in America (or the world for that matter) who didn't watch American Idol last night. Well make that Bridget & I since we went to grab dinner at the Barking Dog. We got back at 9:15 and I flipped on Fox to see some guy giving a monologue type performance on stage. Then I remembered Idol started at 8 not 9. Oops. Oh well...I'm sure I didn't miss much and I don't really need to watch tonight to know who wins. Cause I know. It's Jordin Sparks.

How do I know? Well the two best female singers got knocked out already in LaKisha and Doolittle, and Blake is basically playing the Clay Aiken to Jordin's Kelly Clarkson winning role. I read online this morning that she even shed a tear while singing the new Idol single - "This is my now" or something like that.

So she pretty much just wrapped it up. America loves a crier.

I won't be watching tonight. I have better things to do. Like laundry. That and I won't be voting either. Mainly because I can't vote for Jordin. Why...because I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan. Although Sparks did play one season for the Boys in 2000, hauling in 5 INTs. Although they didn't win the Super that year and by and large he was a Giants player for his whole career. So can't root for the enemy and thus can't vote for her. Sorry Jordin. Although you're gonna win anyway. Sorry to ruin the surprise for everyone.

IF I did have to vote...I'd vote for Gretchen Wilson.


My "Idol" vote goes to Gretchen Wilson

And don't give me this bullshit that you can't vote for someone else besides the final two. I'm voting for Gretchen simply because her song "All Jacked Up" has popped into my head more than any other song over the past few months. So I'm basing my decision on that.

Don't know the song? You should get to know it. It's a boot stomping, head nodding, rootin-tootin good tune. Great also for working out in the gym and perfect for sculpting those abs for the summer. I think it should be the official song of the Jersey Shore for the summer. Hell, maybe even the MLB should adopt it in a new marketing campaign.


Bonds will star in the new MLB Marketing Campaign - "All Jacked Up"

Makes perfect sense, since all of the players have gotten "Jacked" over the past 10 years off steriods and human growth hormones.

Actually I think I may even go ahead and produce the marketing video for them. Would be pretty easy to do. You could just flash before and after pictures of Bonds, McGwire, Canseco, Giambi, Sosa, etc. You can start out with them as they came into the league, skinny and non-muscular and show pictures of them downing vitamins or injecting the HGH into their asses gradually becoming bigger and bigger. All while "All Jacked Up" plays in the background. Not a bad concept...maybe I should get a job in marketing someday ;)