Are you 'shitting' me

So thanks to John for this 'scoop' today.

Apparently there's a memo in Florida that was created by a sheriff's office warning of a new drug called "Jenkem".

This drug is "a homemade substance which consists of fecal matter and urine. The fecal matter and urine are placed in a bottle or jar and covered most commonly with a balloon. The container is then placed in a sunny area for several hours or days until fermented. The contents of the container will separate and release a gas, which is captured in the balloon. Inhaling the gas is said to have a euphoric high similar to ingesting cocaine but with strong hallucinations of times past".

Although in doing some research, it looks like (according to Wikipedia), "the first media description of Jenkem came from an Inter Press Service wire report in 1995."

The smoking gun just got their hands on this memo and posted it on their site.



The Smoking Gun hasn't found verification of any student actually using the drug but honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they were. Actually it's been reported this drug was often used in Germany just before prostitutes took part in shizer videos. Ok I can't really back that up.

But could you imagine getting high off of a combination of stale feces and urine? No thanks. That smell definitely wouldn't put me in an euphoric state. It may make me puke my guts up everywhere, but it's doubtful if you could get that much of a buzz from the smell?

Anyone out there ever use it and if so what was your experience?

WTF??? is right!!!

Umm...so...once again Ration Reality will be supplying the video fun for this Friday (mainly because I have to jet to the airport in an hour for a flight to Austin....Texas...not Massachussetts). That and I laughed pretty much an hour straight after watching them so it unfortunately sapped all of the humor from me. Thanks alot guys.

Today's video installment comes courtesy of our neighbors from the north, who apparently have raised the bar for commercials which blatently cross the line between...well let's just say these commercials would never fly in the good ole prudish U S of A.

The series of commercials are for convenience store beverages from a chain store called Mac's. They are branding this drink called WTF which is supposed to be short for What's the Flavour? But clearly the WTF is not purely coincidence, considering they also have a slogan that was OMFG which stands for Oh My Froster's Gone.

I must say nicely done by the Canadians. Way to take advantage of this acronym language society we've become over the years. Before I give away too much of the plot, here are some snapshots from the commercials:


Two girls getting a giant tree of liquid "off"


A girl licking a "berry flavored" zit


A man giving birth to an egg filled with juice


A bloody attack that rivals Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding

And finally my favorite...


A robot who fucks a pommelhorse to produce juice

You can go here to view these video clips in all their glory.

I mean...talk about some fucked up marketing approaches! Could you imagine 7-11 going this route for promoting their Slurpies? Or maybe the next reincarnation of Slush Puppies for 'adults' where a girl is 'redrocketing' a puppie to produce the flavors for the slush puppie?


Slush Puppies new marketing campaign could be entitled "LOL" - short for Lick our liquids.

I mean the possibilities are endless! Although I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere Sonic is producing a whole line of drinks labeled LMAO or some other acronym that is overly used this days.

Anyway, I'm off to Austin for faithful reader Rich's bachelor party. Assuming my liver doesn't explode I'll be back for more fun on Monday. Enjoy your weekend!

Big Pimpin

So got a bit of a shocker just a while ago from John.

Apparently our beloved James Lipton, host of the venerable Inside the Actors Studio, was apparently a pimp earlier in his career.



Now, watching him on TV he is very calculating and reserved. Not qualities you would expect from a pimp.

Actually the news was suprising to all, especially Tony Soprano himself. James Gandolfini was unofficially quoted saying during a taping of Inside the Actors Studio: "If I knew he waz a pimp, I woulda cast him in da show. Capice?".



I love the quote from Lipton: "We were earning our living together, this young woman and I, we made a rather good living, I must say."

What they didn't tell you was he followed that with a hearty laugh and a "Well played Mr. Lipton".

I wonder if he had index cards for all of the prostitutes he pimped out and interviewed.

Imagine the scene.

Faux Inside the Actors Studio (a cheap run down flat outside of Paris). Dark room, lit by only one lightbulb hanging precariously from the ceiling. Mr. Lipton in a big leather chair sitting across from a young prostitute. Mr. Lipton takes a puff of a pipe as he admires said prostitute.

After a long awkward pause, Mr Lipton says: "If your vagina could be an animal what animal would it be".

The prostitute hesitates and answers in a french accent: "I would be a beav-ah... Monsieur".

Lipton: (tilts his head back and laughs) "Ha-ha-ha, well played madame, well played."

End scene.

Obviously if you've never seen his show, or the parody of his show on Saturday Night Live, you won't find any of this funny. If you haven't seen it, Will Farrell actually did one of the best James Lipton impersonations ever:



Pure comedic genius.

In other news:

Apparently Kid Rock got into a brawl at the Waffle House in Hot-lanta over the weekend.



Hopefully he paid for his fuckin waffles. Last time he stiffed me that prick!

Friday video fun

Since I'm probably going to be absolutely buried in work today, won't have much to say.



But our friends at Ration Reality always have something to say! This time they've uncovered some really disturbing commercials courtesy of our friends oversees.

They've uncovered:

* An animated cleaning powder that snorts his white powder cleaning solution, gets high, and crashes to the floor


* A japanese "kiddie beer" commercial that shows families happily drinking this 'non alcoholic' beverage that is supposed to foster future beer drinking among youth


* A japanese milk commercial that looks like it's a play on our old drinking milk commercials where the person drinking milk grows before your eyes. You know the commercials, where the puny kid who drinks milk grows up to be bigger and stronger than the bully who was pushing them around. Well, instead of growing taller, in this commercial the girls boobs grow bigger with each passing sip!


* A Russian (actually Estonian) meat processing commercial that flashes back and forth between the chicken and his meat being ground up.


Fucked up and disturbing? Yes. Mildly amusing and borderline hysterical? You bet!

To view these commercials in all their glory go to:
http://rationreality.com/2007/10/17/foreigners-are-weird-bizarre-commercials-vol-1

Thanks again for uncovering those gang, made my day!

Also, one last thing to share. I'm sitting across from this guy on the subway last night who was slightly tripped out on something. He had a shiteating grin on his face and his eyes kept rolling into the back of his head.



I couldn't decide who he reminded me more of, David Koresh,


or Bruce Vilanch.


Tough call...opinions anyone?

So you need to be naked to be famous these days



So I just heard about this (am I the fuckin last to know? Guess that's what I get for not reading the Post!).

Apparently last Friday some ad agency worker had a meltdown and walked around the streets of Manhattan naked:

http://www.nypost.com/seven/10132007/news/regionalnews/nude_nut_had_bad_bare_day.htm





According to the article, Josh Drimmer, 26, "temporarily lost his senses and that he was just having a really bad day...It was an extreme panic attack brought on by days of not sleeping. I had a bad day."

Now, I've worked my fair share of bad days in agency land but never took to the streets naked as a result. I may have done some swearing and maybe even broken a pencil or two (don't tell!) but that's gotta be some kinda meltdown to go to Times Square in the nude.

Unless he was just trying to show up the Naked Cowboy.



But apparently this may not have been Mr. Drimmer's first nude appearance in public. According to the article, Drimmer, a Yale graduate, was in a group called the "Pundits" where there were naked parties with party goers hanging out in the nude.

Mr. Drimmer is also a fellow blogger. He writes a blog, "Excellence Makes Wack Irrelevant" which he classifies as "some jottings, findings, and sharp darts thrown by Josh Drimmer, playwright, pontificator, patriot."

Although he hasn't updated his blog in quite some time so needless to say he's "petered out" on the whole blogging experience? Hey-oh! Thank you, thank you. I'll be here till Friday, try the veal.

Anyway, this guy is now a mega celebrity. He even caught the eye of this police officer who apparently thinks he's a "detective":


Notice the officer on the left "inspecting" the package

Easy there officer. If you stare at it too long it'll make you go blind. Or is that what they say about masterbating too much? Can't remember.

Anyway, am I jealous at his new found fame? Sure. But until I get into "nudity baring" shape I promise I'll spare my fellow New Yorkers of me running around in the buff. Unless I need the publicity of course. Cause then I can just chalk it up to a bad day.

I leave you, Mr. Drimmer, with some words to live by:

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Books of Enrichment

Before I lead you to some reading material that will undoubtedly enrich your mind (and other body parts), I'm taking the elevator up to work this am and these two white guys get on. They start talking about Kobayashi and how he can't compete because of his hurt jaw. They called him a pussy and said what did he, pull his ACL or something.

Listen jackass. A competitive eater kinda needs his/her jaw to compete, don'cha think? So it is like pulling an ACL. Why don't you think before you speak you fuckin moron. You know what, let me punch you in the jaw a few times and let me see how good you do trying to eat 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Asshole.

Anyway, saw this list of recommended reading material (ok maybe it wasn't as much recommended as it was listed) over at RationReality.com. Pretty good stuff. This list of books include:

White Trash Etiquette: The Definitive Guide to Upscale Trailer Park Manners


White Trash Etiquette contains everything you need to know to live like decent trash, including:

• The proper way to fake a back injury
• How to prevent your in-laws from stealing the silverware at wedding receptions
• The Ten Hottest White Trash Career Opportunities
• How to improve your drunk-driving skills
• Sound advice on everything from lying to your boss to making your next convenience-store robbery fun for the whole family

There’s also troubleshooting for troublemakers:

• I'm getting married; can I still wear white if I'm a tramp?
• Can chicks ever really respect an accountant?
• How do I pick a good bail bondsman?
• How can I get my 14-year-old cousin unpregnant?

The Art of Auto-fellatio: Oral Sex for One


The ultimate in safe sex -- self-performed oral pleasure at any hour of the day! If you've ever dreamed about this practice, this book can make your fantasy a reality. Packed with photos, advice, stories and training tips by men who know what they're doing!

Forgive the hype: this is also a serious examination of the history (through a variety of reports) and application of self-performed oral sex. It's both a fascinating examination of social perceptions and cultural mores, and a guide to specifics.

Other notable books on the list include:
The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide
Forensics for Dummies

Good stuff! And you can buy all these books on Amazon.com! Although the whole "Art of Auto-Fellatio thing" i'm not so sure about. I lack the inner-core strength needed to bend completely over. Plus I'm not too sure about giving myself "fellatio". I kinda think Rosie Palm and her five friends would get a little jealous. Although maybe if I got really really drunk one night and my hands fell asleep or weren't working right then I'd consider trying to go down on myself if I needed to fulfill an urge.

Wait. WHAT AM I SAYING??? I know there's that saying oh, if you could give yourself a blow job you'd never need a girl or never leave the house or something to that effect. But when you think about it would you really do it? I mean, then you have to worry about choking on your own pubes. What happens when it's time to cum??? Do you let it fly or do you swallow? Didn't think about that one did you? And what happens when you get into a fight with yourself? Do you call yourself a cum-sucking whore? If someone tells you to go "suck a dick" would you take it personally knowing you sucked yours?

Yeah...so needless to say I won't be sucking my own dick until these questions are answered. If someone buys the book feel free to let me know if any of those questions are addressed please. Enquiring minds want to know!

Wide World of Search

So occasionally I like to peer behind the scenes and see what articles are generating the most traffic on my blog. Thanks to some nifty Wordpress tools, I can see not only track which posts are read most often, but I can also see what search engine terms people use to find my blog (I don’t know who is visiting my blog but in some instances I’d rather not know – as you’ll see in a bit). I know most of you are regular readers out there, but there’s a good chunk of visitors that stumble upon What Pushes My Buttons randomly thanks to search engines like Google and Yahoo.

You would think most people would find WPMB by searching for terms included in my more popular posts, like the best songs to sing in the shower and pedestrian violations. A lot of people find my blog by searching for “fattening foods” or high sodium foods, which takes them to my posting on “If the food is so bad for you then why are there no fat Chinese people.” Others may find me through my often random references, like my commentary on the WWF Ice Cream Bar, Rachel Ray or the hookers in hunts point featured on HBO.

However I do get some visitors thanks for random search terms. How they get to WPMB I don’t know, but here are some of the funnier (or disturbing) search terms used that ultimately led to my blog, with my comments added in:

Search terms: Funny boss killing games, Killing someone with your pinky, Killing game with saw

Yes there are such people out there that search for these things. Disturbing? Maybe. But they ultimately got my blog through the Time “Killing” Game of the Day post.

Search terms: getting teabagged pictures, naked gyms, naked workouts.

Obviously some people like working out in the nude…but looking for pictures of people getting teabagged? Yeah…no comment. They got to WPMB through the Do you work out in the nude posting

Search terms: Ass explosion, shit on a seat.

This is getting more and more disturbing by the second. Although I can see why they found us, especially with posts like That ain’t right

Search term: hasidic hookers.

Why someone would search for a Hasidic hooker is beyond me. Don’t even know where to look for that reference.

Search term: Cock.

Yep…cock. How they came here looking for cock I don’t know (or why they are looking for cock in the first place). But that pretty much takes the cake.

Anyway, I had an interesting weekend in the Catskills “fishing” – if you can call what I did fishing…I’ll have that story for you shortly.

“Disturb”ia

Erica Reiner (soon to be Williams) sent me this link yesterday and she said she was too disturbed to look at it.

The website is: http://www.fat-man.org

Of course nothing is too disturbing for me so I took a gander. Egads! Here’s what the guy says on his site:

Hello, and welcome to my website. My name is Chris but you can refer to me as Fat Man! This site is designed to showcase my supreme fatness. Below are videos you can watch showcasing my supreme fatness! Enjoy



I’m disturbed in the fact that I share the same name as "Fat Man". But anyone who says they "showcase their supreme fatness" is ok in my book.

To avoid grossing some of you out I won’t post the videos here. Although here are some of the captions of his videos so you get a feel of what you’re in for:

Here is a video of me improving my supreme fatness by eating chips and drinking beer!

Here is a video of me eating 10 hot dogs in just a few minutes!

Here is a video of me eating a pack of cookies even though I have diabetes!

Here is a video of me eating 9 delicious Boston Cream Dunkin Donuts!

In this video I store some Hot Pockets underneath my breast for later consumption!

Ok ok...that’s enough. You know what...I can’t resist.

Here’s the Hot Pockets video:



And here’s the hot dog video:



I was expecting Harry Carey to come into the room and say "hey,if you were a hot dog and you were starving would you eat yourself?"



Although in Fat Man's case you know the answer would definitely be a resounding Marv Albert Yes!

But this kid is definitely disturbed. You can tell by watching the videos. I started out by laughing but then became just plain frightened for him. Especially eating all these sweets when he has diabetes. I love the fact that he’s like "watch me drink soda and eat cookies even though I’m about to drop dead due to diabetes". That’s like David Blaine or Criss Angel saying "watch me fall from the Empire State Building, hurdling to the ground below without a harness!" One of the comments on YouTube was "I think he’s dead cause he hasn’t posted a new video in weeks". Yikes!

I hope you’re still alive Fat Man. Because you’re an inspiration to us all!

Out of it

I'm completely out of it. Once again I blame the humidity. This morning walking over to the train we passed this pimped out yellow Corvette. I barely even noticed it when Bridget said "that's hysterical". As I walked by I noticed that emblazened on the windshield in graffiti type lettering it said "Mr. Cock". After twenty steps or so Bridget was like "You're not gonna take a picture of that?" The thought hadn't even occurred to me. Maybe I was still sleeping. But seriously what the fuck is wrong with me? I should have been all over that this am. Like, that writing was kind of big, maybe he's a BIG Cock. Or maybe he should change his name to Mr. Blank A Doodle Doo. But nothing.

But I'm not the only one struggling this morning. Most people couldn't even make it up the subway stairs at 33rd street. Everyone is moving in slow motion. I swear I almost had to pick the guy up in front of me and carry him up the stairs. You know people are struggling when the line at Starbucks is 3 times as long as it normally is. I went to get an Iced Latte in hopes it would jolt me, but the line was ridiculous. At least 50 people long. Fuck that. I went and got Naked instead.



Yes...with "a pound of fruit in every bottle" who needs coffee? With heart healthy omega-3's and over 1,000 mg of potassium i'm rejuvenated and ready to roll. It also contains 570 mg of something called Red Algae in it. Actually on the side of the bottle they refer to it as "red sea algae".

I did some research and lo and behold "Red algae is marketed to treat candida, herpes simplex virus and other chronic ailments". It's also the same algae that helps make the Red Sea red. Huh. Who knew.


Is this a worker from Naked collecting red sea algae?

But I'm glad that by drinking the stuff I'll be reducing my risks of genital herpes and yeast infections. Cause lord knows there's nothing worse than a yeast infection. Can't have that bitter beer taste in your mouth.

Ok...wait...so that came out completely wrong. I was trying to make a joke about beer and the yeast in it and how if you drink bad beer you could get a "yeast infection". But y'all are gonna think I was talking about performing oral on a girl that has a yeast infection and that would give you a bitter taste in your mouth.

Ok...on that note...I think I'm gonna lay low for a while. I'll be back once everyone is done throwing up all over their keyboard.

What ever happened to Eight is Enough???

I was skimming across People magazine the other day and saw this article about the Duggar family. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are 40 year old parents who live in Arkansas. (Jim Bob is a real estate agent). You would think they were the average family, living the average American life.

Your guess would be that they have 3, 4, maybe 5 kids right?

Nah, keep going.

6, 7?

Nope.

9, 10?

You'll need more than 2 hands.

12, 13???

Ha...not there yet.

15???

Close...but no cigar.

Let's try 16 kids...with a 17th on the way!!!!!! (Click for a bigger picture)

The Duggar clan

17 fuckin kids!!! The oldest is 19 years old. Two sets of twins.

According to the family, after the birth of child #1 they "thought we'd leave the decision about how many children to have up to God".

Smart move.

While I'm not one to judge them for populating this world, I can criticize them in the naming of their children. They named all their children with the letter J. I hate when people do that. Its bad enough when you do that with three or four children. But 17??? What the fuck?

Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, and to be born Jennifer Danielle.

Throw in Jim Bob as the dad and that's 18 people in the family with the letter J. Why doesn't the wife just change her name from Michelle to something with a J? Make it a clean fuckin sweep. Or did they use up all the J names already?

According to the mother she wants even more!! Good move. Why don't you just populate the entire town while you're at it. I mean at this point, once your children start having children you know damn well incest is gonna run rapid.

Scene: county fairgrounds. behind the bleachers. teenage boy and girl about to make out.

Girl: wait...before we do this, are you a Duggar by any chance???

Boy: why yes I am. What bout' you?

Girl: I am Tooo!

Commence making out.

End Scene.

The family even has their own website, Duggar Family.com and are celebrities thanks to numerous appearances on TV. They even have their own show on the Discovery Health Channel.

Listen people...let's not encourage them. Let's not celebrate this as a "glorious gift from God". I happen to think this is child imprisonment at its highest. Don't believe me. Look at this picture:



Every Duggar child "has" to start on violin at age 4. Does anyone else see something fucked up in that? I mean I know you have to teach them to do chores around the house at a young age, like laundry, cook, clean etc, especially when you have a family that big. But forcing them to play an instrument? Why not just let them pick it up and play when they're curious about it?

Look at the faces on some of the children (click the pic for a bigger view). They don't look too thrilled to be playing do they??? I mean, isn't that basically a form of child abuse by forcing them to do things they necessarily don't want to do? No? Am I totally off base here?

Celebrate them if you'd like. Praise them for populating the world with "god's greatest gift". I'm sure they're good, honest people just trying to find joy in their lives. But what concerns me is the mental state of their children. How can you possible give love, affection and attention to 17 children!!! You can't. You know damn well some of those children will grow up to have serious mental problems based on neglect or from constantly being in the media spotlight. You can see it in their faces already. Some of the younger children look scared shitless in that picture. Like if they didn't pick up the violin they'd be beaten with a wire hanger.

I'm not accusing them of abusing their children physically, but mentally how can they not be??? It's bad enough a family of 3 or 4 has to deal with middle child syndrome. What about a family of 17?

Snakes...in an office

So yesterday evening around 5pm, Bridget called me to tell me a funny story. One of her ex-coworkers now works for Google in New York and apparently one of the office employees' python was missing in action. Why someone brought a python into the office is beyond me, but nonetheless I guess they make quiet pets (the occassional hiss is much quieter than the occassional bark). But losing a 3 foot long snake is pretty hard to do, no? I mean its not something you can miss easily.

Anyway, given Google's penchant for playing April Fools Joke's apparently a lot of employees in the office thought it was a joke. But, nope, not so. Here are the internal emails that got circulated to the staff:

---
Sent: Sunday, April 01, 2007 10:24 PM
Subject: [Everyone-ny] Pet Snake Missing in NYC office

Dear Googlers:

The timing of this email could not be more awkward. Over the weekend, a pet snake belonging to a Googler was released from its cage in a 4th floor cubicle near the Tech Stop. The snake is a 3-foot long, brown and grey ball python named Kaiser. Ball pythons are nonvenomous and are commonly kept as pets. Our exterminator, with Google's security team and the snake's owner are searching for it. Should you see the snake, please do not attempt to touch it or pick it up. Call security immediately.

Tempting as it might be, this is not an April Fool's joke! We are sending this message to alert you to the situation and to let you know what to do in the event you see the snake. We will send an update to all New York Googlers at 8 a.m. on Tuesday, April 2 and post signs at office entrances. Should you have any particular concerns, please contact your immediate supervisor.

As a reminder, the pets policy of Google New York allows only dogs to be brought into the office by Googlers. Permission must be obtained from management before any other type of animal can be brought onto the premises.

Sent: Monday, April 02, 2007 8:41 AM
Subject: [Everyone-ny] Pet Snake still Missing in NY office

Dear Googlers:

I want to let you all know that Kaiser, the 3-foot ball python, is still missing from its tank on the 4th floor next to the Tech Stop. This morning, we will be putting up signs in the microkitchens with a photograph of a ball python so that you know what Kaiser looks like. Ball pythons tend to be shy and to hide themselves in small, dark spaces, while curled into a ball (hence the name "ball" python). Again, should you spot Kaiser, please contact security immediately.

Thank you,

Here's the link to the article:
http://valleywag.com/tech/rumormonger/python-on-the-loose-at-google-248978.php

---
Ha...I love the fact that "the pets policy of Google New York allows only dogs to be brought into the office by Googlers". Clearly someone didn't listen. Although how long until the box office sequal to "Snakes on a Plane" comes out, this time in an office setting? I give the hollywood studios a year. But any office that allows dogs is cool in my books. I mean pythons are pretty cool as well. At least its a live animal unlike all of the "dead" ones we have in my office (Mounts of deer, antelope, bear, coyote, goat, etc). I think the most live animal we have is the stuffed pheasant I bought at Target on sunday in Brooklyn.


At least my pheasant helps me with my paperwork...more than that lazy, "shy" python probably does for Google's staff

My pheasant has a squeaker that makes a pheasant type sound. Why they were selling this in Brooklyn is beyond me. Downtown Brooklyn no less. At Target. They also had stuffed waterfowl, pheasant, squirrel, rabbit and prairie dog. I mean its not like you see those animals running around the city. Like someone is walking their varmin around on the street as a pet. When's the last time someone went into Petco looking for some Waterfowl?

"Welcome to Petco how can I help you today".

"I'm looking for a bird, preferably some type of upland bird that I can cultivate and fatten up for a few months before setting him free and shooting him down with my .20 gauge shotgun".

"Ahh yes, upstairs, aisle 5".

The funny part is some of the writers here play around with call boxes testing them out (for those hunting illiterate, call boxes imitate wild calls so you can lure an animal towards you). Anyway, they were playing around with a turkey call the other day so I answered with my pheasant squeaker. Pretty funny. I heard one of the guys ask "where did that come from?". I guess you have to be here to appreciate that.

I'm toying with the idea of removing the pheasants stuffing and replacing it with a motorized engine that will help it fly around the office. Now that would be hysterical. Except here, since someone will probably shoot it.

Do you work out in the nude?

Only when I'm naked (a little National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon I reference for you to start your Wed morning).

Anyway, I was ready to have this whole blog posting about the rules of pedestrian engagement and a proposed new system I have to penalize people who perform annoying or stupid pedestrian acts, but I came across something more disturbing that derailed my train of thought for the time being (but no worries...the pedestrian story will be unveiled very soon!).

Apparently, a gym in the Netherlands decided to open up Sunday's as a nude workout day. Yes, nude. I mean not that this would happen anywhere besides the Netherlands (actually, strike that, it would probably happen in any country who embraced nudity unlike the good ole' prudish U.S.A or most Middle Eastern countries where even exposing an eyelid is forbidden). But not too shocking that this was transpiring in the Netherlands.

http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/nudists-sweat-it-out-at-dutch-gym/20070305133609990002


Nude gym goer in the Netherlands

Now, while this is very disturbing in many ways, including seeing some guys junk flying all over the place while he's on the treadmill, if a gym wants to have a naked day so be it. You may not find me there, unless it was supermodel day or something. Then again I'm not in any shape to be seen in a gym, let alone workout naked. But if you're the kind of person that would enjoy such a thing take a trip to the Netherlands sometime. At least you'd save having to purchase a gym locker for the day!

Although I do have some issues with this whole naked thing.

Issue 1) I'd want whatever equipment I was using fully sterilized after a naked person used it. I don't need to sit on a bike naked that some naked ass already sat on. The bike would be all sweaty and have ass residue. I don't need that shit (literally). So I'd want some lysol, formula 409 and any other type of industrial strength cleaner at my disposal.

Issue 2) What happens if you're lifting weights??? Is the person spotting you fully nude as well? I mean at that point you're practically getting teabagged by the person spotting you. Like I want to look up and see some guys hairy balls dangling in front of my face while I'm bench pressing. No thanks. (Side note: Actually I think I just grossed myself out, which is pretty hard for me to do.)

Issue 3) For those that attach their ipods to their clothes. Where do they put them? I guess an armband is fine...or at least the shuffle can clip onto your nipples. No comment. I'm still disturbed by the bench pressing teabag reference.

Ok...yeah, on that note...end of discussion. This naked gym thing is a bad...baaaaad idea.

MeatLoaf and FlapJacks

No...it's not the new breakfast deal at Denny's (although that would add a little variation to the Grand Slam menu wouldn't it?? Hmm...). Anyway, some weird things have been happening recently around us. Weird people floating around (Bridget has some doozy stories for you if you see her - including one of a prostitute walking around the street saying..."You Suck...You Suck Dick" and asking the newspaper vendor for 50 cent to buy a water. The other story was about a fight in 7-11 between an Asian and an African American woman and who cut who in line. The fight also involved a cheeseburger for breakfast (and it WASN'T who you thought would be buying the cheeseburger!).

Well last night on the way to the Yankees' game - we thankfully left early before the rain came - we were walking past the projects on the corner of 101 and 2nd and heard music blasting from one of the apartments. Pretty typical, except this wasn't rap, or R&B, or Latin...it was MeatLoaf. Yes, MeatLoaf. And it wasn't Paradise by the Dashboard Lights or something rock oriented. It was "I would do anything for love". TOTALLY out of place in the projects. I said whoever was listening was hopefully practicing for a dance recital. If not if they started letting white people move into the projects I'm getting the hell out of the neighborhood asap. Don't want no white folk in my projects. So anyway, no more than 3 minutes later we're on 102nd between 2nd and 3rd and I had looked down at something on the sidewalk and no sooner did I look up did I see these pair of Flapjacks walking towards us. Nope, wasn't the IHOP mascot. These huge C to D cup breasts that were being "mildy restrained" by a mesh top. No Bra. Just hanging out in the open. Bridget's chin practically hit the ground in shock and my head moved back and to the left (Seinfeld/JFK reference). I guess it shouldn't surprise us to see that, but I guess it was very unexpected at 6 o'clock in the evening.

Anyway so there's been some weird things and people going around. Maybe it's the heat. Maybe it's the new millenia. Either way at least it's provided some good stories to tell.