What's it with white people and wedding dances???

Btw...what's it with white people and dancing at weddings. I'm not talking about regular "wedding song" dances as previously covered in this blog back on July 1st: http://whatpushesmybuttons.blogspot.com/2006_07_01_archive.html. I'm talking about fully choreographed wedding "dances" that seem to be all the rage these days. I mean I know everyone signs up for those cheezy dance lessons where they spent $1,000 to learn how to cha-cha or tango and they pull off one "spin" move that draws raves like they just pulled off a triple axle-triple toe loop combo from the crowd. You know what i'm talking about...no offense to my friends of course.

But those little dances are nothing compared to what's being done now. I mean I thought the groom getting carried around the dance floor to "I did it all for the nookie" at one wedding a went to was bad enough but check this out:


Are you kidding me? First of all I worked at Kutsher's. I'm all about the dirty dancing since Kutsher's and the catskills hotels are what the movie was based off of (the jewish hotels are in the catskills for those viewing "internationally"). Anyway you can tell that the guy is in this more than the girl by his facial reactions. I mean dude, look in a mirror, Patrick Swayze you're not. Good try though wearing all black. I love the look on his face when he does "the jump" with 2:50 to go. What a spaz. What he get, one centimeter off the ground? Pussy. Plus have you seen anyone dance more awkward. Really. And the part with the "backup dancers". The guy in the white shirt was obviously a better dancer than the groom and the girl in the blue skirt is a bit too animated. And that flying hold. What's the matter? Can't hold her yourself? Please. What a pansy. If you're gonna do it, do it right. Wait is that the groom kissing all the guys? (:30 seconds to go). Is he gay? Did he just give one of the guys tongue??? Has he kissed the bride at all? Hmm. I think we may have a gay groom folks, breakup at 11. I guess if i was really, really really drunk I'd semi-enjoy this whole recreation in person, and I'll give them a point on "originality". But -10 points for being dofuses. Especially since he looked like he was dressed like a bartender.

Apparently this clip came from VH1's Best Week Ever: http://www.bestweekever.tv/2007/02/28/yet-another-couple-who-makes-us-want-to-kill-ourselves/ I couldn't agree more.

Second video is even "better" in my opinion, simply because the groom is even more animated than the couple in the dirty dancing video. Actually the groom kind of looks like Paul? Hmm.


This clip too was courtesy of Best Week Ever http://www.bestweekever.tv/2007/01/31/propped-zombie-wedding-absolutely-terrifying/

You have to sit through the 1st minute to get to the dancing. But I don't know what's more pathetic. That this groom is being all serious about it (look at his face the whole time!). Or that they took the time to rehearse it. With 1:04 left he's singing the song. Out loud. Oh my god, it is Paul (sorry Paul I could see you doing this though). Especially with how animated he is. I'll give them a few bonus points for choreography but -10 points for not dancing with the red studded vest on. If you're gonna do thriller, do it right dammit.

But what bothers me about both these clips is that the people thought they were the best dancers since Fred Astaire. And now thanks to the instant glorification YouTube gives you, their false confidence is even more inflated since "millions" of people can now view them. Stupid YouTube. It's crap like this that makes Americans so unproductive in the workplace. At least it's giving me some good blogging fodder! (kudos to Deanene for the sending along the two videos above).

Wedding season is upon us

With wedding season in full swing, and with Bridget & I committed to at least 6 weddings to attend this summer, it got me thinking about the whole wedding party thing. We've all experienced some drunken wedding doozies in our days complete with our share of memorable (or not so memorable) hookups. As everyone knows most hookups are started on the dance floor, for better or for worse. And we all know the dreaded equation of: dancing + drinking + beer goggles = hookup. Especially back when "we" (we = Marist crew) used to spend our freshman year completing the above equation numerous times at Berties. Especially when "we" hooked up with girls with one eye in this case we = Frank)...sorry Frank if you're reading :)

So I've decided to take a shot at which songs are traditionally played at weddings that get us in the mood to abandon our defenses and go for the hookup.

In no particular order:

"Wonderful tonight" by Eric Clapton. No brainer here. Extra browning points if you use this opportunity to dance with the 7 year old niece of the bride.

"Lady in red" by Chris De Burgh. Another no brainer. Especially if the female you're courting is wearing red. Although be warned of singing the lyrics terribly into her ear. That can lose you points right there.

"Hava Nagila". Huh you ask? A few reasons. First it gives you a chance to flex those muscles as you lift the bride in the air in her chair. Second it gives you a glance at just about every lady imaginable at the wedding, since you're flying around in a big circle. Three it gives you opportunity to hold hands with said available female (unless you're holding hands with the grandmother or a member of the male species - then it's not so good.)

"Electric Slide". Really. Don't knock it. The female to male ratio on the dance floor doing the slide is like 30:1. Seriously. Take a look next time.

"Have I told you lately" by Rod Stewart. Just don't sing the lyrics if you've just met the girl. That comes off just a tad to aggressively.

"The Way You Look Tonight" by Frank Sinatra. The perfect swooning and wooing song. Can't go wrong with Sinatra. Bonus points if you add some twirls and dips to the dance. Just don't drop her.

"Get down on it" by Kool and the Gang. This song is not nearly played enough at weddings. Sometimes it's thrown into that 60s/70s/80s medly. But it's a groovy dance track that lets you slip in for a little close-up action. Just don't pull a muscle in your back trying to go low.

"Amazing" by Lonestar. Just because it's the song everyone knows is completely overused at weddings but is ashamed to admit they like it. It's always a good fall back song for that simple slow dance.

"Don't want to miss a thing" by Aerosmith. Again another good fall back slow dance song. Not as cheezy as Lonestar.

"Laid" by James. Not played nearly enough. The lyrics practically lend itself to a cheap hookup. Great on finding the drunkest girl at the party -she'll be letting herself go on the dance floor. Swoop in right away before the other guys snatch her up.

"Last Dance" by Donna Summer. Last Dance = Last Chance for hookup. Clutch because it starts slow and ends fast. Bonus points if you can throw some fancy twirls and moves in towards the end.

Here's some songs you should avoid at all costs if necessary:

"Jump around" by House of Pain. No way to stop yourself from looking like an asshole as you mosh and jump your way around the dance floor. Especially if you knock the lady you're trying to pursue over. This song is only acceptable at Irish Weddings where everyone's a drunken mess anyway.

"Bust a Move" by Young MC. I don't care how good of a dancer you were back in the day. You're not anymore.

"Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer. Same as above. Just let the girls do the dancing on this one. As a guy, this also helps to weed out the goombas from the non goombas. The goombas will take over the dance floor with some fancy footwork. Watch to see the type of girls that are attracted to the goombas. Avoid them. Go for the girls that are laughing at them. They're the much cooler type.

Any other thoughts/comments?