Friday, November 30, 2007

Friday Randomness

So did you guys hear about this...did you see this? (my Jay Leno impersonation for ya).

Apparently Rodney King was shot the other day on the street.

Yeah...apparently the gun was fired by Bobby Knight.

Boy am I on fire today or what?

Anyway, I'm a bit hungover so you'll have to pardon the bad jokes today. In lieu of attempting to write something humorous, I figured I'd share with y'all some videos that I've taken with my cell phone recently. Most of it is pretty random and some of it...well I guess you just had to be there. Keep in mind this is my crappy cell phone so the video quality is pisspoor at best.

Saw this guy dancing like a fool at a bar in Texas:

This guy had some skinny ass legs and was walking weird on the street:

Actually the way he was walking kinda reminded me of Manute Bol.

Speaking of Manute Bol, what was he thinking with this suit.

Perhaps he was trying to be the world's tallest banana. (yep...i'll be here all night, try the veal).

Finally I was at a John Corbett band concert at the Knitting Factory a few months back (John Corbett is best known from his roles as Aidan om Sex in the City and Ian Miller in My Big Fat Greek Wedding). His band is pretty good. John was onstage with guitarist Tara Novick and ex-Black Crowes’ drummer Steve Gorman.

Here's some clips from the show:

Steve was rocking through his drum solo with an intensity only matched by Animal from the Muppets:

That's all the fun I have for now. Until next time, America.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Attention Holiday Shoppers

Consumers: Be aware of pickpocketers this holiday season.

Employers: Be aware of employees this holiday season.

Funny how I was walking behind this guy the other day with this Loss Prevention jacket and a shopping bag. I mean, call it irony right? Of course I'm sure he was just taking home some merchandise he purchased at the store. But hey, you never know right? But why would he wear that jacket out on the street like that?

Personally I know no one will fuck with my shit this holiday season or in general.


I have a nice grizzly watching over my stuff:

Try stealing my stapler now bitch. Have a bear bite your hand off. See how that feels.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

What are the odds?

Before I begin, let's have a quick moment of silence for Mr. Gatorade himself, Dr. Robert Cade, who passed away at the age of 80:

Gatorade is far superior to Vitamin Water or Powerade or any other "performance drink" out there. Plus Gatorade is the next best thing for a hangover besides a Bloody Mary! So thank you, Dr. Robert Cade for your invention. You'll be missed.

So once again I saw our favorite friend on the subway last night: the David Koresh/Bruce Vilanch look-a-like in the flesh!

Albeit the last picture of him was a little clearer but can't believe I was actually sitting across from this guy again. What are the odds of that happening in a city of 10 gazillion people?

Speaking of NYC and people, I'm actually pretty psyched to see the movie "I Am Legend" with Will Smith. Especially since I recently read a book entitled "The World Without Us" by Alan Weisman. Actually I read the book back in the Spring, months before it even was out on the presses (I got my hands on an advanced copy). The book is now a New York Times Best Seller! Talk about being ahead of the curve!

The book was definitely enthralling and spoke about what would happen to the world if humans ceased to exist right now. It got to be a bit scientific regarding chemical compounds and how it related to objects disintegrating, so if you like that sort of thing, this is right up your alley. But it also offered a great view back throughout time and spoke about the evolution and migration of species, which facinated the hell out of me (I eat that shit up). My favorite part was the discussion of what NYC used to be like, populated by Bear and Wolves. Apparently bear used to fish for salmon down in a spring that bisected lower Manhattan (now known as Spring Street).

The website for the book is pretty cool as well, full of multimedia to depict possible scenerios should humans cease to exist today. Here are some pictures depicting what NYC would look like if humans ceased to exist right now:

After 2 days of no humans

After 2-4 years of no humans

After 5 years of no humans

After 300 years of no humans

After 500 years of no humans

After 15,000 years of no humans

The book explains why this would happen, ranging anywhere from habitat reemerging by way of weeds, plants and animals and the lack of humans to keep up maintenance in our subway tunnels, buildings and bridges.

I'm sure all the pigeon-fuckers out there would be thrilled with this scenerio...although then they wouldn't be around to fuck their pigeon friends up the ass, so they'll miss out.

Anyway the book is definitely a must-read if you like to read about scientific and reality based "what-if" scenerios and are a fan of the world and its environment in general.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Thanksgiving: A Photo Journal

So as promised (albeit a few days late) here is a "photo essay" of my Thanksgiving day feast [this is especially for you L.K...if you still even visit anymore consider how neglectful I've been about visiting you recently...or anyone else for that matter. :( ]

A little shrimp cocktail appetizer

The bird

My "children's plate" side of veggies

Round 1

Round 2

Dessert is served:

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

A friendly reminder

Please carve your turkeys humanely this Thanksgiving. They sure would appreciate it!

This message has been Chuck Norris approved!

Happy Thanksgiving.


And you thought the Patriots were perfect?!?

Sure...gloat about the unstoppable Patriots offense. And rave about their defense if you will. But they did go undefeated WITHOUT giving up a point all season???

Did they? (Well assuming they go 16-0 that is).

Nope...didn’t think so.

After throwing the next to impossible shutout in Nintendo Baseball, I tried to go for another unbelievable feat: going an entire season in Tecmo Bowl without giving up a single point.

Not one.

Those who played the game know as the weeks go on, the competition gets tougher (as in the computer gets faster). Game play during the Tecmo Bowl itself is lightning quick for Nintendo standards.

Last time I attempted this feat with the Bears, I gave up a TD in week 5 to the Dolphins. Given that the Bears D is probably still one of the better units in Tecmo Bowl, I figured I’d give them first crack at trying to achieve the seemingly impossible.

Would they succeed in their quest? Here are the results:

Week 1 saw the Vikings go down hard 70-0. Not much of a contest for the Bears. This one was over from the start when Willie Gault ran back to opening kickoff to the Vikings 10.

Week 2 came the Dolphins, who ended my quest early last go around in Week 5. This time was almost the case again as Marino led his troops on a last second drive down the field. With time winding down in the 4th Qtr the Dolphins had first and goal from the 9. After a short run followed by a Bears sack, they had 3rd and Goal from the 11 with 5 seconds left. Marino dropped back in the pocket and found Duper underneath. Dave Duerson met Duper at the goalline and Mike Singletary came in for the tackle to preserve the shutout. Whew. Talk about dramatic. Just about matched the Rams tackling the Titans in just shy of the end zone in Super Bowl XIVJESUSTHESUPERBOWLGAMETAKESFOREVERDOESNTITIMJUSTSAYING. Final score, 63-0.

So now my hands were already sweating and it was only week 2. If fate wasn’t on my side now, it never would be.

Week 3 saw my beloved Cowboys take a crack at the Bears. They should have just stayed in the locker room as the Bears steamrolled Herschel Walker and friends 62-0.

The Giants stepped up to the plate in Week 4, boasting perhaps the second best D in Tecmo Bowl next to the Bears.

Lawrence Taylor and friends were flying around the field, but Walter Peyton was too much too handle as the Bears chipped away with short gains all day. Meanwhile Simms, Morris and Bavaro went nowhere fast. Final score 61-0, thanks to 2 Giants blocks of extra points (their specialty in Tecmo).

Week 5 bought the Raiders and boy was I relieved to see Bo Jackson in week 5 rather than in the Tecmo Bowl. So the Bears definitely caught a break there. But regardless, the Bears keyed in on stopping Bo who only ripped off one decent sized run. Marcus Allen went nowhere and a whole bunch of Mike Singletary INT’s made Tecmo Bo a blip on the radar, 66-0.

Week 6 had John Elway and his high flying aerial attack and Tony Dorsett on the ground. The Bears played a bit of prevent all game and it led to Elway leading the Broncos on a few long drives. However a few key Singletary INT’s, including one in the end zone! and one on the Bears 20 kept the Broncos off the board. Almost lost the shutout but thanks to my boy Singletary the shutout remained in tact. Final score, 52-0.

Week 7 saw the Seahawks who had a formidable D anchored by Brian Bosworth and a deep threat in Steve Largent. However Dave Krieg couldn’t out throw Mike Singletary, who helped out with double coverage on Largent and the rest of the team stuffed the run all game. With the win, the Bears are the Division Champs! But who cares about that, the shutout still in tact, Bears in a rout, 63-0.

Week 8 and the competition was heating up. Fortunately the Colts were next and these are definitely not the Manning Colts of today. Jack Trudeau was ineffective as best as the D focused on shutting down Eric Dickerson, holding him to negative yards on the ground. The Colts D was able to pick off McMahon once deep in their own end late in the 4th qtr, keeping the score a “respectable” 56-0.

Week 9 and I felt the anticipation via my sweaty palms. Eight straight games without a break and up were the Browns, who faced the Bears in my last go round in week 9 as well. Knowing the Browns put up points on the Bears last time thanks to their special teams the Bears tightened down the screws on kick coverage. Bernie Kosar looked rattled all day as blitzes came and went. Kevin Mack had a few runs of 10+ but mostly was kept in check by a swarming Bears D. The Bears offense struggled with the stingy Browns D, but was able to hit Willie Gault on a few deep bombs to win the Division championship in a laugher, 49-0.

Week 10 saw the 49ers and Joe Montana. With Jerry Rice running deep routes and Roger Craig pounding away yardage on the ground, the Bears D had their work cut out for them. As did the offense with Kevin Carter busting up the middle every play and Ronnie Lott roaming the secondary. Willie Gault set the tone with a long opening kick return and the Bears put up a quick 14 in the first. The first half was uneventful as the Bears kept Montana in check to go up 28-0. The second half was tougher as the Niners drove down the field several times. However the Bears stiffened, stopping the 49ers on several 4th down attempts inside Bears territory. The Bears ate some clock with the ground game and short passes and took what the Niners D gave them. A tough one, but the D held up en route to a 42-0 victory.

Tecmo Bowl. It all came down to one game. One last stand to preserve an undefeated and un-scored-upon season. The Redskins. The hated Redskins were the opponent. Doug Williams, Timmy Smith and Monk and Sanders at WR. The D led by Dexter Manley. Tough, grind it out kind of game expected. The Bears D had Williams confused all game and gutted out plenty of three and outs leading to punts. The Bears put together long drive after long drive that ate away precious time on the clock. Walter was magnificant, ripping off a few long runs for TDs as the Bears piled up the points.

In the 4th Quarter up 42-0 all the Bears had to make were a few last defensive stands (click to play video):

After Singletary's pick, the Bears only foe was the clock. The Bears attempted to run out the clock but Peyton was stuffed cold twice. A short gain on 3rd down led to a 4th and 6th. Bears went for it from the Redskins 30 instead of kicking a FG. McMahon was sacked on the play, giving the ball back to the Redskins with one last chance to end the Bears hopes of not giving up a point.

On 3rd and 12 the Redskins needed a big play (click to play video):

Stuffed, like a Thanksgiving turkey. And why they punted on 4th down I'll never know. So the Bears had the ball back with 20 seconds to go. Picking up another 1st down would seal the deal:

It's done!!! AN ENTIRE SEASON WITHOUT YIELDING A POINT! 42-0 is your final! Awesome stuff. My Nintendo record setting day was complete. A shutout in Baseball and an entire season of Tecmo Bowl without yielding a single point. Holy fucking shit.

Btw, if you're keeping count: Bears 626. Opponents 0. Take that Belichek!