What Pushes My Buttons

Finally a bill worth passing!

Firstly...how bout them Cowboys! Big win for the boys over the weekend knocking off the Giants, who basically spent the last 4 weeks playing Junior Varsity. Glad they finally got knocked back to earth.

Now, onto the news of the day. I read in AM New York this morning that Councilman Simcha Felder from Brooklyn is looking to put a ban on feeding pigeons.

As reported here back in July, pigeons have become bigger and nastier in recent days. I reported that due to steriod based grass fertilizers, pigeons have been on a eating spree, gobbling up as much steriod infused seeds as they can get their beaks on. Also it's well known that pigeon shit is highly acidic and causes the rotting and decay of our bridges, buildings and infrastructure.


A pigeon performing a "shit and run" in NYC

So this bill would effectively ban all feeding of pigeons. Furthermore the bill calls for the creation of a "pigeon czar to be held accountable for all the city's pigeon-related complaints".

Now if the city had any brains at all they'd appoint me pigeon czar. Just give me a shotgun and I'd effectively end the pigeon overpopulation problem for good. And anyone caught feeding a pigeon would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

What would that punishment be? I'd unleash a gang of ugly, unruly pigeons, lock them in the offender's house or apartment for a week, feeding them nothing but Ex-Lax and Metamusil. I'd lock the violator in the house as well, leaving them to defend themselves against the shit fueled rage that would transpire. Then after the week was up, I'd "humanely execute" all of the pigeons in the house leaving the homeowner to clean up the mess of shit and pigeon carcasses. I bet your bottom dollar that the violator of pigeon law would never, ever feed a pigeon ever again!

If they did violate a second time....they would be met with death. No questions asked.

Think I'm the only one with these thoughts? Think again.



Take a look at the Royal Society for the Preservation of Pigeon Killing, which is better known as KillthePigeons.com

There's countless stories on this site of how pigeons destroy our every day lives and also reports on the "heros" who help rid the world of pesky pigeons.

Are you sick of pigeons shitting on your new coat the first time you wear it? Are you tired of having to dodge swarms of pigeons on the street as soon as someone so much as feeds them a small piece of bread? Speak up. Support Councilman Felder's proposal ban on pigeon feeding! Join the cause and let's keep the damn pigeon population under control!