What Pushes My Buttons

Jaws of Life

So I’m sitting on the subway this morning and this petite little girl sits next to me, in a space, well only a petite little girl could fit. After she gets off the train, this woman nearly three times the size of her gets on and jams her fat ass into that same spot.

Immediately all the air was taken out of me. I freed my arm to push my rib cage back in, although my leg was completely numb. As I was praying someone would get the jaws of life to free me, she does the unthinkable. She rips ass in the seat. I felt the fuckin seat vibrate. Like you’re talking something that was off the charts on a seismograph


Had this lady’s fart been an earthquake, it would have been at least a 7.0

Unreal. Although I’m sure to her it was just a minor blip on her radar…but for me I couldn’t free myself soon enough. As soon as the doors opened at my stop, I finally pried my lifeless leg free and stumbled out of the seat, dragging my leg with me. Thankfully I was out of there before Chernobyl was released from her ass.

Can you believe that shit? (no pun intended). Who would rip ass like that? Then again all she had to say was excuse me before she sat down and I would have gladly gotten up to give her more room. But she didn’t even give me the chance to offer her the seat. She just jammed her fat ass in there, not giving a shit about crushing anyone in her way.

As I sit here typing this, I’m happy to report that I have finally regained feeling in my leg and my rib cage is back in place. Although can’t say the same for my spleen. But who needs that anyway right?