What Pushes My Buttons

Asshole awards of the day

Today's asshole of the day awards go to the makers of the extra puffy, triple down goose, annoying large "puffer" jackets. Congratulations. Obviously you've never ridden a subway or taken public transportation in your entire life. You've managed to shrink the capacity of subway cars ten-fold. When you once used to cram 40 people into the "safe-haven" (you know the 20'x8' area when you walk into the subway where everyone stands instead of fuckin moving in to the middle of the car where no one stands. To all those who complain about getting "subway grinded" how bout you move into the middle next time. Then you won't have some pervert shoving his crotch in your ass.) You've also managed to play into the hype of the obesity of Americans. Your jackets have made 185 pound men look like they're 325 pounds. Good work. Next time one of the assholes wearing your jacket tries to bully himself (or herself) around the train like they think they own the fuckin place, i'm gonna slice your jacket, remove the feathers and tar and feather your bitch ass. Holla.

Next asshole of the day goes to the smoker who inhaled their own smoke. Smart move to light up in 50 mph wind gusts and then inhale your puff of smoke as it blew right back in your face. I hope that choking fit you went through hurt as much as it looked like it did. Cause you know, nothing cures the lungs like inhaling some good ole' methane. You now know how it feels when you puff your cancer sticks in everyone's face. Piece of advice, next time stand downwind asshole.

Final asshole of the day goes to the guy toasting my bialy (thin bagel with the hole in the middle for those who don't know - ie this pic) this morning.


TOASTED means somewhat crispy - not raw. Doesn't mean burnt, just a little crisp. Especially being Bialy's are thin, this shouldn't be too hard. So why the fuck would you give me a bialy that was softer than when it went into the toaster oven? I think the tomato had more crunch than the bialy. (Yes, i get my bialy toasted w/ cream cheese and tomato. Haven't tried it? Do yourself a favor and try it. You'll be hooked too). Next time just toast the fuckin thing. No one wants to eat raw dough with cream cheese. Trust me on this one.

So not bad, three asshole of the day winners and it's not even 9am yet. Good job everyone. Way to spread the holiday cheer.