What Pushes My Buttons

Crazy Train

So after playing racquetball for a few hours last night down at the NYHRC on Whitehall Street, I headed back uptown on the 5 train. I was able to secure a seat on the train although it was semi-crowded for 10pm. At Fulton Street more passengers came on the train, including a very bizarre interracial couple. The white guy had big bushy blond hair with a pink headband that had a large metallic reflector on it. The black girl had big dreadlocked hair that was pushed back by a white headband (unfortunately no reflectors for her). At first glance I didn’t know if they were people or Fraggle Rock characters.


The couple on the train looked very “Fraggle-esque”

While everyone has different fashion sense, and certain this was one of those couples, the male was holding something unusual on the train - a stuffed Panda Bear. Its not too often you see a grown man with a Panda Bear on a train, but then again this is NYC, you see just about anything here. I would have been more impressed if the panda was real.


I hope the Panda Bear paid his fare too

Anyway, another young male (early 20s) sits across from me. He looked to be exhausted as he slumped over to put his head on his bookbag. There was a guy sandwiched between him and another gentlemen who was getting squashed by the young male who was slumped over in his seat. The guy who was getting sandwiched kept clearing his throat to let the young man know that he was basically two inches away from giving him a lap dance. The guy looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders in an “I feel bad for you dude” sorta way. Anyway, the train pulls out of Grand Central as this young male keeps slumping over. As we make the turn coming out of Grand Central all of the sudden the young male pukes. Yes, he puked. And wouldn’t you know, the vomit splashes across the aisle and some of it splashes onto my duffel bag that was sitting between my legs.

Are you kidding? I look at the youth and he was pale as a ghost. I get up from my seat and stand over by the door. Luckily I had some tissues on me so I could wipe my bag. A few other people, including the guy being squashed left their seats and got away from Mt. Vesuvius. Fortunately he didn’t throw up again, and got off the train at 59th. The same guy who was being squashed earlier looked at me and laughed. Actually a few people were trying not to laugh. After initially being mad, I just shook my head and smiled. Because I too have puked on the subway before (although it was at 3am and I was completely fucking hammered). Plus I know he probably didn’t mean too. It’s just my luck that he happened to puke in front of me.

I guess that’s what I get for taking a picture of the Panda Bear on the train. Apparently the bear didn’t like to be photographed and summoned this youth to puke in front of me.

So Mr. Panda Bear, if you’re reading, I apologize for taking your picture. I know that paparazzi stalk you everywhere you go and now you’re starting to get even. You win. No more pictures.