Friday, August 03, 2007

Printing Health Hazards?

So as I was checking my Yahoo email earlier I saw this article: "Your Printer May Be Hazardous to your Health"

The article goes on to say that "30 percent of all laser printers tested emit dangerous particles described as 'causing lasting damage on the scale of inhaled cigarette smoke.' These tiny particles lodge deep in the lungs and can lead to anything from lung irritation to full-on cancer."

That's fuckin wonderful. So all the times I've sat close to my printer, even leaning on it and smacking it to urge it to print faster, it's basically been spewing cancer dust at me in retaliation? What about all those paper jams, and sticking my hands up the printer's insides like I was performing some sort of gynological exam? Is that just all a ploy by the printer to say fuck you, this is what you get for waking me up from sleep mode?

Not only that, but there was a second article that said "Your Printer May be Spying on You". Even better...not only is my printer giving me cancer, but its also watching my every move. And here I thought I was safely printing out my super secret advance copy of the not even yet released Harry Potter VIII: The Pubic Hair Dilemna (when our characters get too old to play their parts and discover sex on the set).

But you know what? No longer will I stand idly by while my printers infect me with their filth. It's time to take action! I'm gonna go all Mike Bolton on their asses!

1 comment:

Stiletto said...

Oh, I've got no pity for you! Try sitting at a crowded kitchen table with your chain smoking aunt and your cigar smoking father. In fact at this moment I am ready to kill myself!