What Pushes My Buttons

The real "All-Star" game

So NBA All-Star weekend has come and gone. Those who knows me know I dislike the NBA recently because of the players by and large getting overpaid and the overall quality of the game slipping (with the exception of LeBron, Wade and the like) but that's another blog. Anyway, loved the dunk competition, especially with Gerald Carter going old school with the Dee Brown jersey and the blind dunk over Nate Robinson (i'm sure its on NBA.com or YouTube if you haven't seen it).

The three point contest was won by Jason Kapono, the former UCLA "standout". Although it seems that besides Bird and Price "second tier" players always win the three point contest. Tim Legler, Craig Hodges, Jason Kapono. Very weird. Anyway
the skills competition was kinda stupid. Dribbling slalom and passing into a net. Very "Pro-Bowl"esque and kinda doesn't belong. I'd rather see a couple of scantily glad show girls play 5 on 5 full court rather than watching Wade dribble around cones.

The actual All-Star game itself pretty much stunk. I mean we all saw how much it was a mismatch even without Steve Nash running the West. Not even LeBron and DWade could save the day. I think the West was up by 40 at one point. Plus how poorly did everyone shoot? Jesus. I mean these guys make millions right? I know you don't have to care since its just an All-Star game and I know no one plays defense (as evidenced by the slashing dunks and the endless alley-oops), but everyone was clanking left and right. Too much partying in vegas I guess. But at least in the olden days guys made shots on occassion. In fact Bill Simmons just recently relieved the greatest all star game ever played, the 1987 All Star Game (Read more here)

Anyway, now in the basketball mood, I decided to recreate the all-star game on my own using the power of video games. I went to the most graphically intense video game I know....no, not NBA 2k7 or any other new console bball game. I went to the best team basketball game of all-time, Double Dribble.

To recreate the "mismatch" between West and East I decided to use the fast paced style of the West using the Chicago team vs. the talented, yet plodding East Coast style which would be played by the computer driven Boston squad. Here on forward I will refer to Chicago as East and Boston as West.

To start the game the sellout crowd poured into the arena and a trumpter with no name plays the national anthem. Already i'm liking the trumpet more than Wayne Newton. The East controls the jump ball and the West quickly steals the ball and after a few passes a nice reverse dunk by the West gets the action started.


The West feed off the energy of the dunk and go on a 18-4 burst to start the game.
The East quickly cuts the lead to 18-10, but the West goes on a 30-4 run to put them up 48-14. Being that Isiah Thomas is on the coaching staff for the East, the action continues without a timeout to stop the momentum. The West continues to pour it on, draining shots from everywhere on the court and owning the offensive glass. Every miss from 3 was followed up by a strong offensive rebound and putback. Passes were crisp and on the money, whereas the East turned the ball over constantly thanks to the West's pressure defense.

The scoring is out of control as the East looks lost on the court. The West is unstoppable, constantly running off 20 point runs and causing all sorts of fits from the East's coaching staff. Isiah was seen leaving the building after the lead hits 100 at the end of the first quarter. The second quarter brings a 30-4 West run and the route is officially on. The only thing the East has to look forward too at this point is the Las Vegas style halftime show featuring the Double Dribble dancers. The West do not relent on their attack and it's decided on the West's bench to push the lead to 200 before the half. The team responds by scoring 14 points in the final 60 seconds, and achieve that goal, going into halftime leading 260-58.


The East could have called it quits but they are troopers. However in retrospect, they should have stayed in the locker room. The West rip off a 40-4 run, capped off by a vicious Dominque-like Tomahawk Jam off a fastbreak.



The crowd is in disbelief at the rout they are seeing. Some even flee to the exits in horror. The West is slowing as well as they start missing shots due to fatigue. However they push the lead to close 300 by the end of the 3rd Quarter. The East basically become walking zombies on the court in the 4th Quarter, while the West starts playing around with falling out of bounds, off the backboard jumpers and crazy passing sequences where everyone touches the ball twice in 10 seconds. It's high comedy time as the West finds a second wind with their bench players and starts to put the attack in overdrive. By the 9 minute mark of the 4th Quarter, the West reach a 400 point lead, up 494-94.


The rest of the game was spent by the West trying to hit crazy shots from half and full court. The East didn't take too kindly to the West's tactics but the West continued to humiliate the East regardless. While the West backed off the scoring a bit, they held the East in check. The East was able to break the century mark, much to the West's dismay. Final score, 559-114.

The West has already vowed next year to hit the 600 point mark while holding the East to under 100. Stay tuned to see how that plays out!