Monday, July 02, 2007

Even grass is on steriods these days

So Bridget and I were watching TV last night and on came an informerical for Patch Perfect.

The product is a grass "enhancer", helping you maintain that perfect lawn. The line that left us laughing was the announcer strongly saying "It's like grass seed on steriods!!"

I went on the website this morning and apparently you can just "spread it and forget it" (sounds awful familiar to the Showtime Rotisserie by Ron Popeil - "Just Set it and Forget It!"). Although it sounds even MORE familiar to what some athletes are doing these days. Do you think Sheffield or Bonds had the "spread it and forget it" attitude with their "sports creams"?

I can't wait for th WGGC to get their hands on Patch Perfect (that's the World Grass Growing Coalition for those not in the know). Steriod use is running rampant in the grass growing field these days. Especially with more and more homeowners looking for that competitive-edge when growing their grass. Millions of them have resorted to using GGH (Grass Growth Hormones) type products to enhance their lawns. Unfortunately the government has other problems regarding growth hormones these days among professional athletes that they've turned a blind eye to the blatent abuse that happens to soil millions of times a day. It's about time the WGGC stepped up and stopped people from feeding steriods to the earth.

The problem doesn't stop with lawns either. All sorts of birds, squirrels, pigeons and other animals are eating the steriod seeds before they have a chance to infiltrate the ground and sprout. Angry, testostorone fueled gangs of pigeons have been spotted in recent weeks.

An angry gang of steriod fueled pigeons

These bigger, badder pigeons are causing havoc throughout the city by dropping "mega-shits" on people's heads, car roofs and sidewalks. I think it's about time lawn companies stepped up and stopped the distribution of their products. There's millions of pigeons in this world and the last thing we need is all of them uniting to blast us off the face of the earth with their mega acid staining feces!

1 comment:

neil from the uk said...

those are some huge pigeons!!!