What Pushes My Buttons

No hugging zone



So another zone has adopted a hugging ban. This time the principal of a Oak Hill, IL middle school has placed a ban on hugging in the hallways.

Principal Victoria Sharts of Oak Park's Percy Julian Middle School is quoted saying, "Hugging is really more appropriate for airports or for family reunions than passing and seeing each other every few minutes in the halls."

Sharts is further quoted saying: "Last year we would see maybe as many as 10 students on one side (of the hallway), 10 on the other and then, going in opposite directions, would sort of have a hug line going on and you could see where that would be a problem,"

Sharts also says that "rampant hugging is creating bottle necks in the hallway and making kids late for class...although hugs are supposed to be handshakes from the heart some times they don't seem so innocent. Too long, too close, and usually between boys and girls."



Before I rip into how assassine this principal's comments are, can we just focus on something for a quick second. Is her last name Sharts? As in I just Sharted myself?


Principal Sharts, the anti-hugger

I mean I'm sure she must get bullied non-stop from the children. I'm sure they be like, hey principal, here's some Febreze for your ass. Or how's the skidmarks treating you these days.

No wonder why she's anti-hugging. Poor thing. But just because your name implies that you sharted yourself doesn't mean you have to take it out on other children.

Furthermore since when are hugs "handshakes from the heart"? A hug, by and large, is supposed to be an intimate thing. A handshake by nature is quick and formal. I mean I'm not sure what types of hugs she's gotten but obviously she wasn't one of the more popular kids growing up. Nor was she shown much love from friends and family. Hugging is a sign of flirting and friendship, at least among students. Normally girls hug each other as a sign of friendship like guys slap five. But something girls and guys hug too. I mean you gotta assume some of these kids are already having sex. Isn't that just like one giant hug between body parts?

Needless to say "Ms. Shit for Brains" is none too popular in her school these days. Now that the story is out the shit has really hit the fan for her. With all of the negative attention, I'd hope she gets canned soon. Maybe she'll get the shit end of the stick in this deal. (ok that's enough).

Before I go I need to gripe about something. Why the fuck did Poland Spring make their new bottle caps so hard to open. Seriously. You need a fuckin pair of pliers just to open the top.

I nearly sliced my fingers open and lost two teeth trying to pry the cap off.


The ingenious design of the new Poland Spring bottles

Maybe it's just me, but I've had major problems with them. Then again we all know Poland Spring is made from springs of natural concrete so not sure why I'm drinking that shit anyway.