What Pushes My Buttons

It sucks to blow

Not in the way you're thinking. Sometimes it sucks to blow your nose. As in when your nose is really dry and then because of that dryness, after you blow your nose it starts bleeding profusely. Not that this has happened to me oh in the last 15 minutes or anything.

Anyway, now that I've stopped doing my best Gerry Cooney impersonation, and continuing on this theme of "disgustingness", I got an email from one of my friends this morning (his name will remain anonymous for the sake of everyone involved and for the sake of his own safety). But those of us who know him know he's very crude in his description of things...much more crude than even me! (hard to believe, i know). Anyway he's given us some doozy stories over the years, but I don't think anything tops this mornings email we got from him. It left me shaking my head. Had it come from someone else it would be hard to believe, but coming from him, nothing shocks me anymore. So read the following at your own accord.

WARNING: THIS IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. EXTREMELY SICK SCENE COMING AHEAD. Remember, I didn't say it so don't hold it against me!




"Last week, I was in Albuquerque, New Mexico for training. While out there, I was showering and had to take a shit. Now, most people would wait to get out of the shower and then shit, which I have done many times. The only problem with that is the fact that my ass would not be clean. So, I decided to shit in the shower. Anyone try that before? I've heard about it before and never tried it, especially in my shower. But, I figured I was in NM and figured, what the fuck? So here I am, standing and shitting, in the shower. I was a bit excited to do this and try it. For you who have thought about doing this before but never tried it, here are my thoughts. While standing and shitting, it took a bit to come out as I was not on the bowl. After it came out, I felt good. Until the smell hit. Fuck, did it stink. Showering is supposed to be this beautiful cleansing time without any issues, but the smell was almost unbearable. In a toilet, the smell is contained in the bowl. In a shower, the smell is contained in the shower. Anyways, I squished the shit down the drain with my toes, which afterwards, had to be properly cleaned. So, needless to say, I would not recommend shitting in the shower. I should have waited til I was done showering to shit in the bowl. The only saving grace about shitting in the shower was that my ass was clean after shitting!"

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Oh man. Could you imagine finding this in your email inbox first thing on a Monday morning? I won't even attempt to analyze what he said.

Once I get my appetite back I'm going to grab lunch. Although next time I shower I may not help but laugh. And then be totally disgusted. And then laugh :)