Thursday, April 12, 2007

No more “nappy”?

So hearing the rain pelting my window this morning I quickly realized I left my umbrella at work (good place for it to be). So I donned my "water-resistant" rain jacket and headed out the door. I might as well have been wearing a sponge because apparently water-resistant = water absorbent. Not that I would expect a water-resistant garment to stand up to a monsoon, but at least some protection would have been nice. At least now I can compete in our weekly wet T-shirt contest at lunch!

Anyway so I take my soaking this morning while I walk the 7 or so minutes to the subway. I’m about to descend the staircase to the said underground transportation mechanism when this "ute" is in front of me, walking slowly down the stairs. He has his umbrella opened and there’s no room to pass him so I wait patiently behind him and continue to "absorb" water. Some girl like 10 feet behind us yells out his name "Yo-Dee Shawn". So what does the "ute" do but whip around with his umbrella open, nearly giving me lasik surgery in the process. Seriously, I think the tips of his umbrella grazed my eye lashes. Then this "nappy haired ho...........odlum" decides to walk back up the stairs past me. Instead of saying "excuse me" or "yo, my bad, I almost took your eyes out" he pushes past me like I’m the one in his way. Fuckin lil' prick. You’re lucky I was so waterlogged from the rain if not I would’ve knocked you on your ass, you little punk.

Wait...what was that? Sorry just got a call from the FCC. Apparently the words "Nappy Haired" can’t be used anymore. How’d they know I even wrote it, I haven’t even posted this yet! I kindly asked Mr. Censorship why I couldn’t use those words and apparently some guy radio personality named "Imus" just caused an uproar after he referred to a women’s basketball team from New Jersey as a bunch of "nappy haired hos". Thanks a lot "Imus" or whatever your name is. Way to ruin the words "nappy haired" for the rest of eternity! Wait...I think I remember your name now. You're the "other shock jock" besides Howard Stern. Ohh...gotcha. My bad. I thought you died like 20 something years ago? Huh. Well that makes sense, I guess that's the last time I listened to morning radio.

Well Mr. Imus, you couldn’t pick another word to use? You know how important the words "nappy haired" are to my existence? I mean every morning my hair is nappy. Now thanks to you I can't say it's "nappy". I now have to say it's "disheveled" or "unkempt". Cause you know nothing is cooler than calling your own hair "unkempt".

So Mr. Imus, I just did a google search on you cause you know I thought you were dead and all. Not for nothing, based on the pictures I saw of you, I wouldn’t be calling other people "nappy haired". Have YOU looked in the mirror recently???

Hard to believe that this character "Imus" is calling other people "nappy haired"???

Anyway, the FCC has slapped my hands and wants me to re-write the above paragraph. So here it goes:

I’m about to descend the staircase to the said underground transportation mechanism when this young fellow is in front of me, exhibiting the utmost safety and caution as he descends down the stairs. He has his umbrella opened and I give him the proper space to swing his umbrella around at will, while I continue to bask in the rain water which is beneficial for my attire. Suddenly some female near the staircase gently calls out his name "Deshawn". What happened next was completely my fault as I impeded his ability to swing his umbrella around freely. I apologize that my head was in the path of your umbrella kind lad. I realize you're having a bad day since your hair appears to be all out of sorts. Allow me to move out of your way so you have freedom to swing your umbrella and walk up and down the stairs as you please. Next time I promise to give you plenty of space to do with as you wish. My deepest apologies.

There, FCC is that better??? Hopefully I won’t have people boycott my blog now because I used the phrase “nappy haired”. I apologize profusely to my viewing audience. I hope you can forgive me.

1 comment:

roger said...

dude...hysterical shit!