What Pushes My Buttons

"Good Humor" Fridays?

While I have nothing in particular to complain about on this "Good Friday", I have an interesting thought. Shouldn't Good Humor, the ice cream company, sponsor Good Friday?

For those who have never heard of Good Humor it was a staple of my childhood in Brooklyn. You'd hear the bells ring and you ran inside to get whatever loose change you could find to buy your $1 Toasted Almond, Strawberry Shortcake, King Cone, Buffalo Bill, Fat Frog, Chocolate Eclair or Astro Pop, among other tasty treats on a stick from the Good Humor man (those who were "richer" could splurge for the $1.50 ice cream cookie sandwiches or those WWF Superstars of Wrestling bars they came out with back in the 80s). I personally liked Buffalo Bill because it had a vanilla and chocolate ice cream and as an added treat, a gumball for a nose - extra sugar rush!


This may or may not be a picture of me enjoying some Good Humor as a child!

Mike was our Good Humor truck driver for 20 years. Business started hurting once the Mr. Softee truck came around, but back in the day, no one cleaned house like the Good Humor man. The one benefit was that the Good Humor truck came down our blocks, which for those who have visited Gerritsen Beach before know how tiny the blocks are (for those who haven't, our "blocks" or streets are pretty much driveway sized, with only room for a car to park and a car to pass). Mr. Softee only stayed on the "wider" avenues (which was probably a smart decision anyway to save on gas money) and let the children run to him rather than have the truck come to the children. I also found it very shady that Mr. Softee sold Good Humor product in addition to their soft serve cones, basically rendering the Good Humor man obsolete.


The Mr. Softee truck blatently selling Good Humor ice cream product, causing the demise of the Good Humor truck

Anyway, there are some instant synergies between Good Humor and Good Friday:

1) The name "Good" is already there.

2) Ice cream is allowed on Good Friday as long as it doesn't contain any meat.

So naturally, there's a connection. But taking it one step further, the reason we loved Good Humor so much was that once you finished your ice cream there was a printing on the stick. Some of the sticks were "lucky sticks" and if you had one you'd get a free ice cream. You were also the shit if you got one - you felt like the king of the block. And everyone knows there's nothing better than some free ice cream!

Anyway, getting back to the point, as a special prize, Good Humor can work with the Catholic church to distribute special "lucky sticks" for the holidays. Instead of getting a free ice cream with your lucky stick, these specially made Catholic Lucky Sticks can be your "get out of not eating meat" card for the day. How cool would that be? I mean I'm not religious at all so I don't really follow the rules, but I've always thought the whole "not eating meat on Friday thing" was a stupid idea. Like if you eat a piece of steak on Friday's for Lent, God would smite you? I'm sure he/she/it is up there somewhere eating a nice, meaty Filet Mignon tonight with a big glass of Merlot, laughing at the rest of us.

Anyway, since people by and large "play by the rules" and follow their religion, Good Humor would be the "savior" by stepping in and issuing these "lucky sticks" which would be your pass to eat meat for the day. Good Humor would benefit because ice cream sales would go through the roof (and maybe the Good Humor truck would regain popularity and start taking away market share from the Mr. Softee truck). The Catholic church would benefit from all of the PR their "Good Humor Fridays" campaign would generate (and lord knows they need the positive PR these days). Of course we would make sure none of the priests were driving the Good Humor trucks. That would be a nightmare for obvious reasons!


An extensive background check would ensure no priests were masquerading as Good Humor men

So Mr. Pope Benedict Arnold, or whatever your name is, if you're reading out there...this may not be a bad idea to consider!