What Pushes My Buttons

Snakes...in an office

So yesterday evening around 5pm, Bridget called me to tell me a funny story. One of her ex-coworkers now works for Google in New York and apparently one of the office employees' python was missing in action. Why someone brought a python into the office is beyond me, but nonetheless I guess they make quiet pets (the occassional hiss is much quieter than the occassional bark). But losing a 3 foot long snake is pretty hard to do, no? I mean its not something you can miss easily.

Anyway, given Google's penchant for playing April Fools Joke's apparently a lot of employees in the office thought it was a joke. But, nope, not so. Here are the internal emails that got circulated to the staff:

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Sent: Sunday, April 01, 2007 10:24 PM
Subject: [Everyone-ny] Pet Snake Missing in NYC office

Dear Googlers:

The timing of this email could not be more awkward. Over the weekend, a pet snake belonging to a Googler was released from its cage in a 4th floor cubicle near the Tech Stop. The snake is a 3-foot long, brown and grey ball python named Kaiser. Ball pythons are nonvenomous and are commonly kept as pets. Our exterminator, with Google's security team and the snake's owner are searching for it. Should you see the snake, please do not attempt to touch it or pick it up. Call security immediately.

Tempting as it might be, this is not an April Fool's joke! We are sending this message to alert you to the situation and to let you know what to do in the event you see the snake. We will send an update to all New York Googlers at 8 a.m. on Tuesday, April 2 and post signs at office entrances. Should you have any particular concerns, please contact your immediate supervisor.

As a reminder, the pets policy of Google New York allows only dogs to be brought into the office by Googlers. Permission must be obtained from management before any other type of animal can be brought onto the premises.

Sent: Monday, April 02, 2007 8:41 AM
Subject: [Everyone-ny] Pet Snake still Missing in NY office

Dear Googlers:

I want to let you all know that Kaiser, the 3-foot ball python, is still missing from its tank on the 4th floor next to the Tech Stop. This morning, we will be putting up signs in the microkitchens with a photograph of a ball python so that you know what Kaiser looks like. Ball pythons tend to be shy and to hide themselves in small, dark spaces, while curled into a ball (hence the name "ball" python). Again, should you spot Kaiser, please contact security immediately.

Thank you,

Here's the link to the article:
http://valleywag.com/tech/rumormonger/python-on-the-loose-at-google-248978.php

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Ha...I love the fact that "the pets policy of Google New York allows only dogs to be brought into the office by Googlers". Clearly someone didn't listen. Although how long until the box office sequal to "Snakes on a Plane" comes out, this time in an office setting? I give the hollywood studios a year. But any office that allows dogs is cool in my books. I mean pythons are pretty cool as well. At least its a live animal unlike all of the "dead" ones we have in my office (Mounts of deer, antelope, bear, coyote, goat, etc). I think the most live animal we have is the stuffed pheasant I bought at Target on sunday in Brooklyn.


At least my pheasant helps me with my paperwork...more than that lazy, "shy" python probably does for Google's staff

My pheasant has a squeaker that makes a pheasant type sound. Why they were selling this in Brooklyn is beyond me. Downtown Brooklyn no less. At Target. They also had stuffed waterfowl, pheasant, squirrel, rabbit and prairie dog. I mean its not like you see those animals running around the city. Like someone is walking their varmin around on the street as a pet. When's the last time someone went into Petco looking for some Waterfowl?

"Welcome to Petco how can I help you today".

"I'm looking for a bird, preferably some type of upland bird that I can cultivate and fatten up for a few months before setting him free and shooting him down with my .20 gauge shotgun".

"Ahh yes, upstairs, aisle 5".

The funny part is some of the writers here play around with call boxes testing them out (for those hunting illiterate, call boxes imitate wild calls so you can lure an animal towards you). Anyway, they were playing around with a turkey call the other day so I answered with my pheasant squeaker. Pretty funny. I heard one of the guys ask "where did that come from?". I guess you have to be here to appreciate that.

I'm toying with the idea of removing the pheasants stuffing and replacing it with a motorized engine that will help it fly around the office. Now that would be hysterical. Except here, since someone will probably shoot it.